


Lovestruck & Paralysed

by sarcasticaffi



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 15-Year-Old Harry Styles, 17-Year-Old Louis Tomlinson, 69 (Sex Position), Awkward Blow Jobs, Awkward First Times, Consensual Underage Sex, Face-Fucking, First Dates, First Love, First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phone Calls & Telephones, Phone Sex, Pre-Canon, Pre-The X Factor Era, The X Factor Bungalow, The X Factor Era, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-05-30 15:07:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15099317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasticaffi/pseuds/sarcasticaffi
Summary: "You don't mind I kissed you?" Louis asked, both of his hands playing with Harry's curls and Harry could only imagine what was going through Louis' mind right now, what kind of bullshit his brain was concocting, what kind of absolute nonsense was overwhelming his pretty head.Harry hummed a low hum and rubbed Louis' back with a light touch of his fingernails, earning a grateful hum from Louis in return and he smiled before pressing his lips to Louis' cheek, feeling the skin burn up instantly beneath his lips. "Fuck no."Or, the one where Louis and Harry met at a band contest and became boyfriends





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the name combination of Lovestruck by The Vamps and Paralysed by Big Time Rush (because they sounded similar in my brain and combined they made a pretty cool title)
> 
> The plot comes from one of the many conspiracies regarding how Louis and Harry met which is the one where they participated in the same band contest and met there.
> 
> There's also two of us writing this and we do have a _similar _writing style but we also are two different people with two different brains so if you see some inconsistency in the writing (such as paragraph length), chances are that we switched roles.__
> 
> __Also, I'm sure there are plenty of typos/grammar mistakes but keep in mind that neither of us are native English speakers but also,,, both of us are fookin lazy and don't feel like betaing the whole thing so enjoy typos._ _
> 
> __
> 
> __  
>  I feel like it's a little unnecessary to say this but I'll say it anyway; this is a work of fiction and thus not real. The events described follow real people and (some) real events but we in no way claim to know how or when or where Louis and Harry (or other people involved) met.  
> In conclusion; this is fiction, don't take it seriously._ _
> 
> __Another less important thing to add is; if you're an anti/do not believe that Louis and Harry are together and your goal is to leave us hate for having the beliefs we do, then please just leave and take your hate with you as you are doing _nothing _but wasting your time.  
>  p.s. the first chapter is a bit fucked because it was originally written in present tense and then we wrote the rest in past tense which just completely fucked with the whole chapter so yeah bear with that in the first chapter, it gets better with the rest.___ _
> 
> ____I think that's it and we hope you enjoy. xx_ _ _ _

 Of course Louis has heard other people sing.  _Of course_ he has. After all, his little sister Félicité, or  _Fizzy_ as they call her, remains Louis' favorite singer of all time. She's not the next Susan Boyle or something but she is exceptionally good at singing. Although Louis may be a little biased in that regard since it doesn't really matter what his little sisters do or say, he'll always stand by them and believe that they are the best people to walk the Earth. And in a way, they are. They have his mother's DNA after all and she might as well be the Queen of the universe.  _Best woman alive_. Louis often thinks but she doesn't cross his mind right now as he stands in the crowd of a local band contest where there's musically talented people all around him and especially, on stage.

At that moment, a band called  _White Eskimo_  was playing and Louis may as well have fainted when the lead took the stage like a whirlwind, owning it like he was born there, like he grew there. He's obviously a natural born star that may just shine with the best of the best tomorrow already, news reporters and magazines coming all the way to Sheffield, or wherever the lad is from, just so they can get the background story of who might as well be the next Justin Bieber. Even better, he could be the next Elvis Presley with that voice.

 It's an understatement to say that Louis was swept off his feet when the curly haired boy first started singing. His nervousness was radiating off of him in rays so big that everyone in the crowd could feel it and was projecting it right back at him like he was shooting bullets at metal. But then his eyes -  _green,_ Louis remembers - fluttered shut and he started singing and it's like the entire crowd had lost their breath with that first lyric. And then he continued. Continued like he didn't care about the fact that every single band competing, visibly lost all their confidence while he only gained more of it, voice becoming steadier, feet getting readier to move and soon, he was dancing and prancing around, getting the crowd and himself all excited and Louis wondered what he did in a past life to be so lucky in this one and be blessed with this beautiful sound, this beautiful voice.

_This beautiful boy._

The thought had sent shivers down Louis' spine just as White Eskimo had finished their song and Curly took a bow, thanking the crowd for not booing him.  _Is he insane? Who could ever boo that voice?_ Louis could've sworn then that he'd met eyes with the boy and he panicked, panicked instantly. He shouldn't be seeing a boy that way. Shouldn't be thinking of him as... Beautiful. That's not how society works. And although his mum didn't raise him to have to fit any stereotype ever, Louis remembers very clearly what Stan had told him that night at that party when he'd somehow ended up kissing a lad from Bradford whose cousin had thrown the party in the firstplace. Louis didn't mean for it to happen but it did. It happened. It wasn't anything too serious but it was definitely a kiss and there was definitely tongue but they were both quite drunk and agreed afterwards to never mention it, especially so if they end up meeting again.  _Zac,_ Louis thinks his name was but given how drunk they were, he's likely wrong.

Stan had told him then, after they'd sobered up a bit so they could go home without looking and sounding like they'd done drugs, that he shouldn't do that with guys. He says he's got nothing against gays but that Louis himself isn't and that the lad had probably tricked him into doing it. Stan's known Louis longer than anyone else ever has and Louis trusts him which is exactly why he decided to get himself a drink instead of thinking about the curly superstar the way he shouldn't be. The way he cannot be thinking.

 ***

_Well this is just my luck._

Louis felt pretty pissed off when  _the_ curly haired boycame to stand beside him at the urinals, there only being two in the toilet so it wasn’t like he could’veskipper one. Though, he wasn't pissed off for reasons he should've been pissed off for. Like for example the fact that he'll be snatching the win of this contest straight out of Louis' and everyone else's hands. Or the fact he's probably the best musical talent North England has had to offer in ages. But he was rather pissed off at the fact that he is a boy and that he was there and that Louis had to physically strain himself from looking over and checking him out. He has  _never_ had that problem before. He's never had the need to look at another man's penis while at the urinals.

 So why did he have it then? Why did he have this sudden urge to see if he shaves or grows a bush?  _Are his pubes curly too? Is he bigger than me? Is he looking at me too?_ And while all these thoughts were clogging Louis' mind, he'd forgotten that he had emptied his bladder and that he was just standing there with his cock in his hands, trying his hardest not to look over to his left. When he finally snapped out of it, though, it was because a drop,  _or a few,_ of pee had landed on his arm. For a moment, he'd looked confusedly between his cock and his arm, trying to figure out how exactly he'd peed on himself, and then he remembered that he wasn't alone in here.

Turning to his left finally, he caught the curly boy mid-shake with a flush reddening his whole body. "Oops!" the boy'd said then, tucking himself away and turning around to wash his hands but also to clearly avoid Louis. "Terribly sorry, I really didn't mean to do that. It was- I was-"

 "Hi." Louis decided to interrupt him as he tucked himself away and went to stand beside the boy, washing his hands as well while also making sure to wash his arm. "I'm Louis and you would not believe the strangest thing that happened to me at the urinals." Louis watched the boy smile in the mirror, blush fading and two breathtaking dimples prompting themselves beside the boy's mouth.  _This is heaven._ Louis thought as he observed the dimples carefully. 

 The boy must've picked up on what Louis was trying to do and he cleared his throat, ultimately snapping Louis out of his crazed thoughts. "What would that be?"

 Louis thought a bit on how to bring the most recent events into the conversation without sounding mean or creepy and in the end he just opted for "Oops, must've forgotten it." Louis didn't miss the small sigh of relief the boy let out at the word  _forgotten_ and he also couldn't help smile to himself because this up close and personal, it was obvious who's younger and more innocent and it surely wasn't Louis.

 "I'm Harry." the boy said once they've both washed their hands and he extended his own for Louis to shake. "Harry Styles."

 Louis reached and shook his hand with a smile. "Louis Tomlinson." Louis smiled "Did your parents really plan your entire career when they were naming you?" the boy looked confused as they retreated their hands, both embarrassingly oblivious to the fact they were shaking them for far longer than what is socially acceptable.

 "What do you mean?"

 "I heard you sing a while ago out there, you're already a star. On your way to a _rock_ star if I'm honest. And with that name?" Louis said nothing then but emphasized his endearment with the boy by fanning his face and letting out a soft huff. "I'd ask for an autograph if I weren't so intimidated by the presence of a celebrity." that coaxed another blush out of them both and this one was followed by the tiniest of swoons from Harry.

 "You think I'm a star?" his voice had gone an octave - _or eleven -_ higher with the words as he fluttered his lashes adorably, looking and sounding and  _being_ just so innocent and beautiful and as Louis flicked his eyes to look at his pretty pink lips, he could imagine his own pressing against them.  _Painfully kissable they are._  And they really were.

 "Fuck yes." Louis didn't mean for it to come out as a breahtless whimper but that's exactly what it had come out as and he wished he'd missed Harry's eyes darken at the sound. He wished so much that he didn't notice the green be overcome by black so quickly he'd looked like a reptile but he didn't miss it, he saw it all and it even felt like it was slow motion. A few moments, which had felt like decades, later, Louis cleared his throat and looked away, feeling all shy and embarrassed now but strangely, not guilty at all. He thought again of Stan's words so he could regain his composure and be all cool and straight again but the thoughts vanished just as quickly as they came. Louis just couldn't bring himself to find anything wrong with their interaction. With the thoughts that surrounded Harry. That surrounded his lips specifically.

"Wait you're in The Rogue right?" Harry asked after a few moments of silence and Louis couldn't help blush, cursing himself for it when he caught Harry's twinkling eyes in the mirror. Louis never blushes and here he was...  _Blushing. This is torture._ Louis thought, _knew_ really, but nodded his head anyway, mustering up the courage to look at Harry again, unable to resist a smile when he was met with dimples again.  _Never knew I had a thing for dimples._ "You're so good." Harry sounded genuine, too genuine. But he didn't strike Louis as someone who easily lies. Or lies at all. Which is why he blushed again.

 "Thanks, yeah. We've uh- We've been rehearsing that for like so, so long. I was actually kind of sure I'd faint from stage fright." as soon as the words had left his mouth, Louis realised his mistake. And in the moment of his pure weakness, in the moment in which he simply wanted to drown because you  _never_ give away your doubts or weaknesses, especially not to your competition, in that moment, Harry just smiled and nodded.

"Yeah I know, the crowd's crazy big here. Never performed in front of so many people. Was for sure I'd either faint or get sick." and Louis felt alright again, felt like they were just sharing weaknesses and fears and they were going to stay between them because this is a private moment. 

 "I really want that autograph now." Louis admitted, only half joking because it was actually true. He wanted to have proof one day that he knew Harry Styles before he was famous, before he was selling out arenas and stadiums, touring the world either on his own or as a part of White Eskimo and Louis just really, really wanted to be able to see him on TV one day in 10-20 years time and say  _"Oh yeah I met him once before he got big. Good lad, good lad."_ but he figured he'll always leave out the bit about Harry splashing him with pee a secret because it's their moment. A private moment. And maybe Louis was thinking too much into this and the moment was just a moment but still he liked to pretend, at least for the day, that the past nearly 10 minutes and future however many, were his and Harry's only.

 Harry smiled and blushed before raising his finger a bit. "Wait here." and then he gracefully dashed out of the room, leaving Louis stood by the sinks as he fixed his hair anxiously and desperately hoped no one would come in before Harry came back because that would break this enchanted spell of the toilet. In what was maybe 30 seconds but had felt like 30 hours, Harry dashed back in with a bright smile and a pen in his hand. "Couldn't find any paper." he said breathlessly and just closed the distance between them quickly, shoving Louis' jacket out the way so he could sign his white shirt, right over his racing heart.

 Louis'd assumed that Harry got the pen from the bar and Louis is well aware there are napkins all over the bar, all of which would've served just as well as a paper sheet  would have for an autograph which must mean that Harry  _chose_ not to take any and  _purposely_ signed his t-shirt instead. Louis could've just been overthinking it but he chose not to believe he was because pretending and believing his own mind in the moment, was much sweeter than _not_ doing that.

 Harry was soon done and he was blushing with a small smile as he pulled at the sleeve of his jumper, dabbing away the pen ink so it wouldn't smudge and then he met eyes with Louis again, smile widening. "There it is." Louis turned to the mirror so he could read what it said and he didn't know how to even react to the message. 

_Couldn't find any paper :)_

_Love, Harry Styles_

 So Louis did the only thing he knew how to in the moment and he laughed, he laughed a lot harder than he should've but he couldn't help it. It was by far the cheesiest thing Louis had ever heard of but it was theirs. Private. And Louis loved that it was, loved that when he got home and told his mum to never, ever wash this shirt and she asked him why not, he could just tell her that it's not hers to know because it isn't. It's theirs. And while it is all cheesy and weird and Louis was  _definitely_ overthinking this whole situation, he still wanted this moment hidden away and maybe one day, when they cross paths again, Harry will remember Louis and they'll have this same moment all over again.

"Doesn't feel like you tried finding any if I'm being honest." Harry smiled at Louis' remark, blushing slightly as he cleared his throat.

"Doesn't feel like there's time to waste here on finding paper."

"How so?"

Harry hesitated for a few beats, their slow breathing being the only sound within the room, music and noise from the outside becoming nothing more than just a white noise in the back of Louis' head as he waited for Harry to say something. "Just- just feels like moments like these are too precious to waste time on."

Louis blinked, trying to come up with a coherent thought.  _Any_ coherent thought that didn't include him pinning Harry against the sinks and kissing him, biting those beautifully plump lips and then sinking his teeth into the bit of exposed skin on Harry's neck. "Sounds like you're in love with me." Louis had said it jokingly, in hopes to get rid of the racing, blindingly hot thoughts, but he didn't expect Harry to freeze at the words.

"What do you know? Maybe I am." and before Louis could say or think anything else, Harry had dashed out of the toilet again, taking the pen with him as well as all air from Louis' lungs and Louis was suddenly left alone again, the toilet feeling so much colder now that Harry was gone and Louis hoped, hoped desperately that this wasn't the last he saw of him.

 ***

In a moment when he should've felt beaten and broken down, in a moment when the rest of his bandmates were all cursing around him, clearly pissed they didn't win, Louis's heart was alarmingly calm as he scanned the backstage area, as well as the crowd, searching for Harry. And then they made eye contact, eyes locking with the other's and Louis couldn't in a million more lifetimes explain the emotion that had waved over him when he saw that Harry's eyes were glassy and red, glistening with threatening tears and Louis felt this weird, sudden need to comfort the boy he barely knew. Louis' mind flashed images of Harry's autograph that was safely tucked away beneath his jacket, to ensure that it wouldn't smear because of spilt drinks or sweat.

They were too far away for them to be able to communicate properly but words didn't seem to be needed. Harry gave Louis a small nod, as if Louis had offered something somehow with his eyes and when Harry wiped at his eyes, he turned around and disappeared back into the crowd, out of sight. For a moment, Louis dared panic but he knew. Somehow, he knew, what Harry's nod indicated.

 So, Louis'd excused himself from his bandmates, saying he needed to go to the toilet and they barely acknowledged him in their spurs of anger but he didn't really care. All he knew was the toilet. That was his one place to be right now. His one and only concern being Harry.

He burst into the toilet only moments later, finding Harry crouching on the floor, back against the wall with his head in his hands, small sobs escaping his mouth, sniffles following each of them. Without thinking, Louis locked the toilet door behind him, gathering immediate attention from Harry who looked up, tears streaming down his face and bottom lip wobbling. Louis wasn't sure of what to do but he knew he needed to do something. Thing is, what  _do_ you do when it's almost a complete stranger that you're trying to comfort.

Louis crossed the distance between them, his movements carefully followed by Harry's crying eyes, and then he crouched down in front of Harry, hesitating greatly to touch him because exchanging names and a couple compliments wasn't enough to erase the fact they were still very much strangers.  _And boys._ Louis had added in his mind but shook Stan's voice away right after, the only concern still being Harry which was terrifying and weird on all levels.

"I- is it alright if I like, touch you?" Louis asked, wincing a little at how rough his voice had sounded from disuse when all he wanted was to just be soft with Harry, knowing very well how to handle crying people. Harry gave a small, affirming nod and Louis hesitantly moved forward, quadriceps burning as he did so because he was still crouching. He placed a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder and tugged him forward which just sent Harry falling straight into his arms, nearly causing them both to topple over but Louis grounded himself more firmly as his arms went around Harry, hands instinctively finding a soothing pattern in which they rubbed Harry's back. "I'll sound cheesy now but winning isn't everything. Sure it'd be nice and the prize money's great but sometimes, coming second or-"

 "Fourth." Harry cut off bitterly and Louis couldn't help chuckle.

"Or  _fourth,_ isn't such a bad thing. Just means you need to practice more and that you need better luck." Louis shivered when Harry nodded into his chest like a small puppy and Louis felt the urge to kiss his hair but that would be taking things way,  _way_ too far. So he pushed the urge away and waited until Harry pulled away, smiling shyly as he wiped away his tears.

 "Sorry I'm such a weeper but I really thought we'd win." Louis' had never seen Harry look so young. Granted, they'd only known each other a bit and a half but it didn't change the fact. He'd looked like an actual kid in that moment with his curly hair and tear stained cheeks and tears in his eyes. He looked proper childlike and Louis hated himself for ever thinking about kissing those lips of his.  _How old is he even? Like 13?_

Harry chuckled bitterly and looked away. "Am 15 actually." Louis winced at the hostility in Harry's voice but he guessed it was his own fault for thinking out loud.

 "Sorry," Louis said, heart doing jumping jacks when he saw Harry relax and features soften up again, as if he couldn't stay mad for long. "You just look really young. I mean you _are_ but like there's a difference between the 13 you look and the 15 you are." Harry nodded and stood up then, Louis following suit before they were left in a position where Louis' face would be right up against Harry's crotch.

"Sorry again, you really didn't have to comfort me." Harry said mournfully and went to wash his face, regret filling the room and Louis inwardly cursed himself for bringing age up. He knows how sensitive that subject can be as he has been 15 himself and he too was mistakenly took as a 13 year old, sometimes even 12 year old because of his height and feminine features.

"It was my pleasure actually. I have 4 little sisters so I'm good at comforting people." Louis had hoped that by opening up a little, he'd get Harry to stop regretting ever meeting Louis. Although, it had seemed entirely unlikely.

Harry lifted his face from the sink and met eyes with Louis in the mirror. "4?"

Louis nodded as he came to stand beside Harry, leaning back against the sink. "Lottie, Fizzy and then twins Pheobe, and Daisy." Harry smiled at all the names and turned the water off, wiping his face with a paper towel that Louis didn't even notice before.  _Couldn't find any paper._ Flashed through Louis' mind and he smiled at the thought.

"I have one older sister, Gemma." Harry said "She's an arse sometimes." Louis barked a laugh and felt his chest warm up when Harry popped his dimples again. The very special moment was interrupted by someone trying the door handle and then banging on the wood.

"Tommo you in there?" Louis cursed under his breath at the sound of his mate's voice.

"Yep!" Louis called out, missing the wave of panic that had flooded Harry's face.

"Joe's mum's 'ere we have to go!" 

"Be right out!" when Louis heard footsteps fade is when he turned around to look at a very pale, very panicked Harry. "You gonna be alright?" Louis asked, knowing that Harry panicking has to do with them being  _"caught"_ more so than him losing. Harry relaxed again and took a few deep breaths.

"I think so." Louis, without really thinking it through, reached around and gave Harry a comforting hug, patting him on the back as he did so.

"Don't stress over it, you'll get 'em next time." and with that, Louis decided to just leave, not needing more from than a simple goodbye they'd shared before he was out the door and heading for the parking lot where his pissed off band mates were trying to fight each other, having to be seperated by Joe's mum who was driving them all home.  _This is gonna be a long ride home._

 

 ***

It terrified Harry that the first thing he did when he burst through the door of his house wasn't crying or mourning over a lost competetion but rather getting his laptop and going on Facebook to search for the boy he'd met in the toilets. The boy he'd basically peed on. The boy that had comforted him and hugged him barely even hours after they'd met. The boy who was wearing Harry's name on his heart,  _literally._

 It terrified Harry but it also excited him because he wanted to get to know Louis better. Wanted to see more of him, hear more of his voice. Especially his singing voice which was like a choir of angels really. Although Harry's mind might very well have been clouded by the fact that Louis is the first boy who was just so open with Harry. Harry grew up in a small town so everyone had either felt like a brother to him or just wasn't gay and that sucked. Harry didn't know if Louis was gay but he did catch him staring at Harry's lips more than once and that was enough reassurance that he wouldn't be kicking him away.

So, Harry barged into his room, ignoring his mum on the way up the stairs and he shut the door behind him, stripping quickly down to his underwear because the clothes had felt uncomfortable and then he threw himself on the bed, immediately gathering his laptop and opening Facebook on his browser.

His fingers flew on their own as they typed Louis' name into the search bar and there he was.  _Louis Tomlinson,_ it said on the first search result, the profile picture being one of Louis and his friends, all of them seemingly drunk and Harry clicked it with a smile, breath catching when he saw Louis' wall open up before him.  _Louis William Tomlinson_ it had said then and Harry went a little cross eyed at how good that sounded, how easily it slipped past his lips when he whispered it, sounding out each letter with a small, unintentional, whimper.  _Sounds nearly royal._ Harry'd thought and scrolled down a bit, reading through Louis' bio and the posts open to public since they weren't friends yet.

Harry thought long and hard about whether or not he should send him a friend request but then his fingers slipped on their own as he clicked the  _"add friend"_ button.  _Point of no return._ Harry thought and ignored the fact he could easily have canceled the request and it wouldn't have gone through unless Louis had already seen it. He decided to ignore that fact because on some weird, crazy level, Harry  _wanted_ Louis to see it and accept it and then they could chat or something. Harry wasn't neccessarily searching for a boyfriend or something of the sort but he wouldn't mind having a guy friend, most of them having shunned Harry after he came out as bisexual with a strong preferance for boys. He hadn't had a guy friend, or a friend of any kind really, in so long. His mum was his best friend for the time being and even he was aware of how disgustingly sad that was. His bandmates were pretty much the only people who had nothing against him and his sexuality but he'd figured they were just putting up with it because he can sing.

While Harry was lost in his thoughts, he'd missed the notification that said  _Louis Tomlinson accepted your friend request_ and he didn't even realise it until a message came through, the little message window popping up at the bottom of the screen.

 **_Louis:_ ** _woooww miss me already? :p_

 **_Harry:_ ** _just wanted to check in on my #1 fan_

 **_Louis:_ ** _suuuuureee_

 **_Louis:_ ** _and I'm fine thank you :D_

Harry would never admit it but he smiled through the sigh of relief as he read the message. When Louis was comforting him back in Sheffield, it really was just all about Harry and in the midst of things, Harryd forgotten  to check how Louis was doing given the fact his band wasn't even in the top 5.

 **_Harry:_ ** _yeah? Not beating yourself up over losing are you? :(_

 **_Louis:_ ** _hahaha your concern is weirdly cute :P_

 **_Louis:_ ** _I mean sure losing sucks but I'm used to it I guess :/_

 **_Harry:_ ** _that's kind of sad :(_

 **_Louis:_ ** _hahaha don't worry about me I'll be fine. Just worried about me mates, they all wanna quit on me :(_

 **_Harry:_ ** _that's not good :(_

 **_Louis:_ ** _yeah it isn't but I can't blame them really. For nearly two years we've been entering all these contests and we never even reached top 5. Today was actually the first time we even breached top 10..._

 **_Harry:_ ** _well whoever judges these things clearly hasn't got functioning ears because I've heard you guys and you sounded so good :)_

Harry purposely didn't compliment  _just_ Louis and  _his_ voice but rather the band as a whole because it's a bit less obvious. Though Harry's not in the most perfectly discrete and subtle state of mind.

 **_Louis:_ ** _thanks :)_

 **_Louis:_ ** _and yeah these things require better judges if they're just gonna go ahead and have you finish in fourth. Terrible decision which they will regret when White Eskimo is in bright lights at the O2  B)_

 **_Harry:_ ** _yeah right xD_

 ***

"Hey lovely." Louis flicked his eyes away from his Blackberry and looked at his sourly smiling mum, probably already predicting that Louis hadn't gotten further than last place like always and although it was justified that she too had lost faith in him and his band, he wished she believed a little more. She believes in him a great deal and she's always been supportive of him and his dream. When everyone else had told him to shut up because he wasn't good enough, she'd be there with an imaginary megaphone telling him to belt it from his heart and so that's what he always did. He wouldn't be here if she hadn't been so supportive of him his whole life.

Dropping his phone onto the coffee table in front of him and leaning back against the sofa, Louis turned to face her as she came to sit with him. "Hey." he greeted, suddenly shy and nervous because he doesn't want to be this big of a disappointment to her.

"I take it things didn't go well?" Louis would question her assumption but he'd been moping around since he arrived and the only spark of temporary happiness he had was when Harry's friend request had poppoed up. And even thinking of Harry then, had brought a smile to his face and she wouldn't be Jay if she didn't catch it instantly, smiling back incredously.

Louis shook his head, masking the smile the best he could but he just remembered the shirt that Harry had signed and that Louis had already made the executive decision of never, ever washing, it currently sitting spread out on his bed so it airs out. "I'm used to it aren't I?" he mumbled when his mum made a sad face at his shake.

"You shouldn't be love." she said and moved closer to envelop him in a hug. "They clearly don't know how to judge properly." Louis was instantly brought to when she said the same thing about a month ago when he had auditioned for the X Factor and he didn't even get through to the stage. He just sang in this tiny room in front of a camera and a few people, them probably the show's producers, and they cut him off before he reached the chorus, saying _"better luck next time but for now you're not through"_ and they just sent him on his way. It was horrible.

He wanted to go again, to try again, to do better next time but it's expensive and he doesn't have the money.

"I just want to be good at something." Louis sighed, only then realising that he'd been softly crying into his mum's shoulder, easily finding comfort in his favourite person in the world.

"Honey," she said in a scolding voice, clearly not liking his self deprication and she squeezed him tighter "Don't put yourself down like that. You're good at so many things Lou, so many things. And no career is easy. If you want it, you have to work hard for it. Even Elton John struggled in the beginning, everyone does."

Louis scoffed a little "I'm no Elton John though."

"That's true, you're not." his mum agreed and even though he knew it was true and he'd brought it up himself, he still didn't like his mum knowing how far from being any good he is. Or well, agreeing with the fact. "You're no Elton John but you are Louis Tomlinson. You will make a name for yourself too and you'll be the brightest star out there." she pulled away so she could look him in the eyes and thumb away the tears from his cheeks "Wanna know how I know?" Louis gave  a small nod before Jay cupped his cheeks and pulled him closer, kissing his forehead "Because you already are."

And that was enough for Louis to stop feeling shit about himself and to start blushing, smiling shyly to his grinning mother. "Thanks mum." is all his shyed out brain could come up with in the moment and she just smiled at him, kissing his forehead some more before they pulled apart, still sitting close but no longer embraced.

"Apart from not winning, how was it? Was the competetion at least good?" Louis felt his heart skip a beat when he remembered Harry. _Do I tell her?_ Louis' mum was also his best friend in the world so he trusted her with pretty much everything. They had a strong connection and Louis had always felt safe telling her things he barely admits to himself. And he was hesitating then because Stan's voice was playing on repeat in his head. "You went all quiet love." she told him, caressing his cheek softly and he leaned easily into the touch, closing his eyes tightly and deciding he might as well tell her.

"There was this band," Louis began "They're called White Eskimo and..." he opened his eyes, feeling tears glisten them wet "Their lead is just so..." Louis was at a clear loss of words but his mum's encouraging smile gave him comfort to continue on "Beautiful." he breathed out and closed his eyes again, imagining Harry in his head again. "I mean there were dimples, mum, these adorable dimples and these _curls,_ mum _thecurls_ , and the softest little body I ever got to hug. I- I-"

"Alright love slow down." it wasn't until she was helping him breathe properly again that Louis realised he was shaking. "What's her name?" _of_ course _she would think it was a girl_. And Louis wanted to go along with her belief, to hide it from her that it's a boy that had had his mind running nearly all day, to hide it from her that he had the most irrational urge to just... _Hug_ him and to _hold_ him and to _comfort_ him and to run his fingers through those curls and to listen to him speak about the things that he likes and to just _be_ with him, around him, near him, for him, _his._

With a deep, shuddering breath, Louis opened his eyes again and stared straight back into his mother's eyes, finding so much of his sisters and of himself in there. "It was a boy mum, his name is Harry."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait but it's here now so enjoy :)

Harry hadn't stopped smiling all day which was unfortunate because all of his classmates had been asking him why he's so happy and he can't just go out and say it's because this lad from Doncaster had finally sent him a good morning text.

The band contest in Sheffield was a little over a month ago now and since then, he and Louis have kept in touch. At first it was just on Facebook but then they exchanged phone numbers and that's how it is now. They just talk about their day or text each other random thoughts, sometimes pictures too, and it's got Harry to become really unfocused in school. Nobody _really_ believes that it's just band practice but so far it's passing enough they don't look into it.

Until today, of course.

A good morning text or a good night text is not something foreign to Louis and him. They do it all the time. Excpet Louis always wakes up after Harry does so Harry is always the first to send the good morning text. Today, though, Harry woke up to the cutest yet most simplest good morning text ever. Or a text in general.

_Rise and shine Curly, time to wake up! Xx_

It was so simple and it meant nothing but it also meant  _everything._ Harry hadn't stopped thinking about it all day and on top of that, he'd been imagining what Louis' morning voice sounds like. That thought alone had already earned him a few runs to the toilet so he can calm himself down before people notice the situation in his pants.

Normally, Harry hasn't had problems with that because he's in quite good control over himself but when it comes to Louis... It's like all control is just thrown out the window the second Louis enters Harry's brain. It's as if self control and Louis can't be in Harry's brain at the same time. One of them has to exit and Harry hates that Louis almost always wins. Simply unfair.

"Helloooo, Earth to Harryyyy!" Harry was brought back to reality by the wave of hands in front of his face and only then, did he realise that he was in class and thinking about Louis when he should be thinking about the task at hand. _Math._ Harry's never been a fan of math and even less so since he's been talking to Louis quite regularly. _Does he still have the shirt I signed?_ Harry just ignored school once again while focusing back on Louis.

"He's a lost cause."

"Must be in love."

"Him? Think twice about that."

"Maybe it's his music."

"As if. Everyone knows The Rogue is the best band Britain has."

"Shhh, careful saying that."

_Wait what? The Rogue? That's Louis' band._ The random chatter around him that was usually just white noise in the back of his head then became the only thing he could focus on because the classmates Harry normally doesn't like all that much were then talking about Louis. Louis and his band.

"You guys know The Rogue?" Harry was asking the question before he thought it and by the time the words were out, the two chatty classmates next to him both snapped to look at him, surprised he's talking to them because he's been short on that front for about a month.

"My boyfriend Jack is the guitarist. Why?" a girl with long brown hair and an obnoxious habbit of chewing gum, very fucking loudly, asked Harry with probably the blankest face he'd ever seen and he didn't really know what to answer.

"Uhm, well I was just wondering. Heard them in Sheffield about a month ago, they're good." Harry didn't even have a chance to try and hide his traitorous smile because it had crept up onto his face before he could think better of it.

The girl smiled "Yeah they are the best. I mean, no offense to White Eskimo but let's be real." Harry wasn't sure if she was biased because of her relation to the band or if she genuinely thought The Rogue was as great as she was saying and Harry could only hope that she wasn't falsely building those boys' courage up because she felt like she had to. Then again, Harry was pretty sure he wouldn't like The Rogue as much as he did if it weren't for Louis so he can't judge her. Doesn't really have the right to.

Besides, judging others is wrong either way.

***

"I know, I know, I'm sorry I'm late again but Daisy's ill with a fever again and we couldn't find a minder." Louis rushed his words in one breath as he quickly took his jumper off and went to put his uniform on.

It's difficult being a teenager who also has to work _and_ take care of his little sisters. He loves it all though. He loves his sisters to death and would swim the oceans to see them smile, he enjoys school more than most and he loves working because other than providing money for his family, it also brings a sense of purpose and he needs that. He needs it for when he looses those contests because it's just anothet thing to keep him from overthinking the loss.

Louis was halfway in his theatre uniform when Josh, his boss, cleared his throat and stopped the action, a sour look on his face and Louis had a little notion in his gut that nothing good would come from this. "Listen Louis, I know you're in a tough spot with everything going on in your life and I know you can't do much about it but that there is exactly the problem." he pushed away from the wall and walked over to Louis, hands grasping Louis' small and weak shoulders, knees close to giving in to Louis' weight as he processed the words. "I can't have you running late _every single time._ I turned a blind eye so many times before and even your mum came in here one day to explain your behaviour but Louis, I _can't_ have my staff behave like this. And you can't be the exception. I gave you many chances before and warned you many times but I think it's time I let you go."

Louis' knees did give in then and he fell down, escaping Josh's hold within a second and he was on the floor, thick tears held back with everything Louis could muster up and a lump in his throat the size of a football. "But Daisy..."

Josh crouched down, big hands immediately coming to soothe the tension in Louis' shoulders that only made him want to cry more. "I know Louis, how it is, I have children of my own, you know this, but it doesn't change the fact that you have crossed too many lines at this point." Josh's hand moved to rip Louis' nametag off "I'm sorry but my hands are tied.

Louis promised himself he wouldn't cry and so he didn't. Instead, he stood back up on wobbly feet and took his uniform off, gently, always gently so he wouldn't damage it, he fished out his locker key and handed it back to Josh, making sure not to make any eye contact as he packed the few things he had in his locker and that was it, him, in his bland old clothes, him, with his stuff in his hands, him, with his last paycheck and a personal bonus from Josh tucked away in his pocket, him, with his world falling apart because; how is he supposed to tell his mum he got fired, _again?_

He held back his tears until he was back in the house and the girls' minder was sent off home, taking the very precious 20 quid right from his pocket and he nearly crumbled down when she had asked him if he was alright because his eyes were bloodshot and he lied, saying he must be catching something from Daisy and she left their house with a smile, completely unaware of how much Louis just wanted to disappear.

Lottie and Fizzy were playing on the floor in front of him while he watched the football match that was on at the moment, Pheobe asleep by his side and Daisy tucked away in her bed, ill again for the third time this month. Just as Owen had missed a quite clear shot, Louis' phone buzzed on the coffee table, breaking Louis out of his near depressed trance and he would've ignored it if it wasn't for the name that popped up on the screen with the message, instantly bringing a sour smile to his lips.

Going completely ignored by his sisters, Louis picked up the phone and left the room, trusting they wouldn't be up to any trouble while he goes and takes the call that Harry had politely asked permission for in a text, saying

 

_Hey, me again, I was wondering if we could talk again... Like an actual call... The last few we had were fun so I just thought we could do it again :)_

Louis didn't waste any time when he went up to his room, sitting down on the edge of his bed and pressing the call button next to Harry's name, loving the fact it only took half a ring for Harry to pick up and even before he'd said a single word, Louis could hear that shy smile in his voice and it calmed his mind a little.

_"Hiii!"_ a deep, shy voice spoke through the speaker and it had sounded the same as it does whenever they call each other. Just so lovely.

"Hey." Louis found a loose thread on his t-shirt and played with it, trying to force himself not to mention his problems to Harry because that's not his business, it's not something Harry should worry over.

_"How are you?"_ like a fucking jackpot, Harry hit the question just right and Louis barely resisted the urge to do a long, long sigh as he let himself fall back down on the mattress, bouncing a little as he did so and it momentarily brought him back to when he was a child.

"I'm alright." Louis said, unable to keep the weariness and tiredness from his voice this time and he could hear Harry move on the other side before he seemed to settle down, probably sitting or lying down somewhere because he knew this would take a while if Louis opens up.

_"What's wrong?"_ Harry asked then cut Louis off before he could say anything _"And don't give me that 'it's nothing' like last time, I want to know."_ sometimes Louis really wondered how he got to have Harry in his life, how it was fair or allowed or even remotely okay because Harry was almost an actual angel that Louis didn't deserve but he wouldn't change it. Wouldn't chabge it for the world. Now that he'd felt what he'd felt with Harry, he didn't want to let go just yet. Especially when his mum was still the only person who knew he not only met him but is still in contact with him. He wouldn't dare come a mile away from Stan with the information.

Louis sighed and closed his eyes, knowing already that he's shit at winning against Harry so he settled himself more comfortably on his bed and uttered the words for the first time since it happened because his sisters are too small still to see through his white lies. "I got fired."

Harry was silent for a bit and Louis gave him all the time and silence he needed to gather his own little thoughts because although very mature in some aspects already, Harry is still only 15 years old and other than the bakery he works at, he doesn't really know what work is. This isn't Louis' first time getting fired but it doesn't make it any less painful or any less unbearable just because it keeps happening.

Probably after a lot of going back and forth with himself, Harry finally spoke. " _What'd you get fired for?"_

Sighing again, Louis mumbled out a response that he knew Harry didn't deserve because he was always so kind and patient but Louis was worn out. "I'm- I _was_ always late because of me sisters and stuff and just," Louis massaged his own forehead, a headache edging on and he hated those, "I'm just a mess.

Harry gasped " _You're not a mess Louis. You can't control the things that happen to you, you can't just decide you're not gonna look after your sisters when they need you. It's the circle of life or something. Albeit a shitty circle but it's not you that makes it shitty, it makes itself shitty and you just end up being stuck in the middle of all the shit and you're thinking 'ahh dammit I'm in the middle of the shit' but sometimes, shit is what you get and you need to be your own plunger when that happens."_

Louis couldn't help himself and he started chuckling a little at first, the chuckle soon turning into a full on laughing fit and how does he _not_ lose his mind laughing when _that's_ the analogy he gets? And _who_ does that anyway? Who comes up with _that_ to explain how shitty life can be?

_Only Harry._

"Thank you for that." Louis said, still chuckling "What an amazing analogy there Styles. Really swept me off my feet."

_"Well I try." Harry said with a dramatic sigh. "Are you gonna be alright?"_ he asked after they were both silent for a bit, both just breathing to each other and Louis realised that if he let himself, he could easily fall asleep to the sound of Harry breathing.

_***_

He should've hung up, Harry knew he should've, but he couldn't bring himself to.

After Louis told him he'd gotten fired, they both just talked for a while and second by second, Harry could've  heard Louis slowly drifting off and by this point, he'd  been listening to Louis softly snore in his sleep for about a half hour already.

It's the most precious sound he had ever heard and he just couldn't seem to bring himself to stop or to hang up or to somehow wake him up. He wished he could've seen him then, _watch_ him sleep with his eyelids closed and face so soft a kitten is jealous.

***

Jay was concerned for her son. She didn't know what to think of him and this Harry boy he keept talking to and about, this Harry boy that noticably brought an easy smile to her son's face, this Hary boy that had turned Louis' world upside down as it seems and Jay couldn't even handle it because it seemed that Louis doesn't even care, doesn't care in the slightest that it's a boy he's so clearly falling for and doesn't even know it yet.

She wasn't concerned about him being gay, not at all, she loves him either way and his sexuality is the least of her worries about him but she was concerned over just how wrapped around this boy, how much his days revolve around him. His good morning texts, his good night texts, his overall texts, Louis' persistency of covering up his feelings. It was all just a young, teenage mess but it was a mess that Jay was there to support every step of the way.

So as she walked into his room, way past his usual bedtime, she'd found him curled up into himself on his bed, his phone just next to his ear. With a smiling face, she went to take the phone away and turn it off but when she touched it, the screen lit up and showed that he was on a call with someone. With _Harry._ The duration of the call showed 4 hours and after a little debate with herself, she'd decided to leave it on and covered him with a blanket, leaving the room in a rush because even though it's just a phone call and Louis keeps stressing that it's just a friendship, it had felt far too intimate to just stay there in the middle of it.

***

Harry was woken up by an alarm that wasn't even in his room. For a second, he'd thought it's Gemma's but hers sounds different. When he realised his phone was still on next to his head, the percentage bar showing only 5% of battery life left, he quickly plugged it to the charger next to his bed, only then realising that he's _still_ on a call with Louis, a full night later.

"Lou?" he'd asked into the phone, expecting to be met with silence or the tone but instead he was greeted by Louis' groggy morning voice that was actually far hotter than Harry ever imagined it to be and he'd quickly found himself hard and uncomfortable in his pants.

" _MorningHarry_." Louis said softly and Harry didn't know which he'd rather do; hug him all day long or _ride_ him all day long and _whoa that's a new thought._ Harry had never had _that_ thought before. Of course he'd thought about potentially kissing Louis one day in the future or you know something... Less sexual but this... This already had Harry panting just imagining it.

"M- morning." Harry dared say, well aware of how he had sounded and judging by Louis' following chuckle, he knew so too.

" _YoualrightthereHarry_?" Louis asked, voice suggestive and still groggy, still hoarse and a tad lustful if Harry dare admit and Harry was about a second away from just outright moaning at this point. Instead, though, he slid his hand into his pants, immediately getting a nice, firm grip around himself and one tug, one simple tug, had him hissing into the phone.

Where Harry expected Louis to laugh or hang up or simply say something, he stayed silent and that was even more stressful than the tone of a hung up call would've been. "Lou?" he asked, stroking himself as he did and a little bit of precum splurted out when all Louis gave as an answer was a high pitched, too long of a moan and Harry responded with an eaqual one.

It was clear then, what they were both doing and it had seemed as though neither of them could even begin to care. Harry feared, well, he _knew_ ,really, that things would inevitably be all awkward between them, that suddenly they'd regret this but in that moment, in that moment all Harry cared about was that Louis keeps on letting those little noises so he could come.

Like a genie, Louis granted Harry's wishes and made these little, high pitched noises that weren't quite a moan yet but were definitely making Harry's eyes roll to the back of his head. "God, do that again." Harry caught himself whispering, knowing that if his voice were any louder, he'd moan loud enough that he'd drown out Big Ben when it strikes noon.

And Louis granted his wish again, moaning a little bit more, a little bit quicker and Harry could tell he was close but was holding back, wanting to enjoy it more and God bless because Harry was doing the exact same thing. "You do it too mmh..." Louis was by now a proper moaning mess and Harry was holding back, feeling a tad embarrassed about moaning.

But he went and did it anyway, ending up being far too loud and he clenched his jaw, shutting himself up. "Sorry that was-"

_"So hot oh God."_ Harry smiled shyly and picked up right where he left off, stroking himself at a too fast pace for comfort so he slowed down a little, moaning a little again at the change of rhythm and just heard Louis follow right back with a moan of the same.

It wasn't long before Harry was shaking with the need to come and Louis' inabilty to stop moaning wasn't doing any good to anyone. "I'm so close..." the words were out before he thought them through and he nearly came right then when Louis responded with a moan.

_"M- me t- too oh God."_ Harry couldn't stop moaning at the words and he had to bite down on his lip to keep himself from screaming Louis' name out. _"I'm g- gonna come."_ a few more beats and Louis was moaning relentlessly, voice shaky and breathless and just the image of Louis' thick, hard cock shooting come all over his hand, twitching as he came, it sent Harry over the edge, leaving him a moaning mess while his pants filled with cum, everything sticking together as he focused hard on not saying Louis' name but he whispered it anyway, the word immeadiately followed by his own name coming through the speaker and Harry knew that as soon as they rode their high a little bit longer, things would go horribly for them. Awkward and tense and wrong and the complete opposite of what Harry wants.

After a too long silence, the only sound being them breathing heavily, a knock was heard through the speaker and suddenly, the spell they were both in, was completely broken, Louis' mum's voice coming through very silently because she was probably still behind the door to, hopefully, Louis' bedroom.

_"Lou can I come in?"_ a little bit of shuffling and Louis was answering, voice panicked and sounding still. So. Very. _Fucked. "Eh no mum I'm changing, what do you need?"_ from how distant Louis' voice sounded, Harry figured he got up off the bed and was genuinely changing into clothes that weren't covered in come and still, Harry couldn't bring himself to hang up, afraid of what kind of message it would send if Louis were to come back to an ended call without so much as a goodbye from Harry.

_"Just... Daisy's down with the flu it seems and I got a day off today so you don't have to worry, you can go and be with your mates if you want, practice maybe?"_ Harry already knew he liked Louis' mum. He knew so a couple weeks ago when they talked on the phone once because Louis had to sing his sisters to sleep and so he handed the phone to his mum and they talked for a while. She seems really nice and just the fact that she is responsible for Louis' existence makes Harry like her so much more.

Louis' voice came through all broken and tired when he spoke. _"C'mon mum you know that's done with at this point. We haven't even met up since Sheffield."_ it hurt Harry a tad that he hadn't known this, that Louis hadn't told him. And it's not the type of thing ond would normally forget. _So why didn't he tell me?_

_"Maybe you should meet up again. You know just as well as I do that The Rogue is too good a thing to just forget like this."_

Louis responded with a long sigh _"What's done is done. It's not like Jack would want to come back anyways. You heard him yourself, he wants to go solo, and with how we're doing, who am I to keep him away from his dream? You can come in now."_ Harry felt even more like he definitely should've hung up a long time ago when the door to Louis" room opened, soft steps sounding out on the floor.

_"Darling you shouldn't just give up like that. I know I don't really know what having bandmates is like but I know you don't give up on things so easily."_

Another tired sigh from Louis _"Yeah well The Rogue is a done deal at this point. I'm sorry but I can't do much to change that."_ Louis voice was muffled in the end and Harry presumed they were hugging now. A few, to Harry, silent beats were followed by Louis' loud sobbing. _"I'm sorry... I thought I could handle it all."_ Harry remembers Louis saying the same words last night when they were discussing Louis losing his job and Harry's heart just broke at the sound of Louis crying, apolgizing relentlessly to his mum about losing his job and not doing better, not _being_ better.

***

Louis' mum had just left his room, leaving him on his own to cry and deal with getting fired _again_ and if he hadn't hit his head on it when he all but fell into his bed, Louis would've completely forgotten about his phone and about the _still_ ongoing call with Harry who was silent on the other side, soft breathing audible through the speaker and as much as Louis regretted not hanging up sooner, he was glad that Harry was just so accessible right away.

"Harry?" Louis sniffled into the phone, hoping Harry had fallen asleep.

_"Lou? Are you okay?"_ Louis knew that Harry must've heard the whole conversation Louis had with his mum, pre and post crying and he hated himself to have sounded so weak because he wasn’t. And yet, he knew how he had sounded, and how little Harry must have been thinking of him right now. He just proved to Harry, without wanting it, how not enough he was, how everything he does somehow ends up being a failure. He could never be enough, and surely Harry must have realized that by now, and it wouldn’t take long before the curly haired boy gives up on him. Because that’s what people do. They give up on Louis. Or they stay, but make him feel like he worths nothing. He didn’t know which was worse. He sighed, realizing that Harry was still on the other side and waiting for an answer. But Louis didn’t trust his voice nor did he want to give more reasons for Harry to decide that he was better off without him, so he quickly dismissed him.

“Yeah. I’m sorry you had to hear that. Look, I need to go look after Daisy, I’ll talk to you later? Bye Harry.” He didn’t give him time to answer and he finally hung up on a call that lasted far too long for this to be just friendly. And as the day passed on, the ache in his chest didn’t ease. Maybe cutting Harry off wasn’t the best solution. But the thing was, he didn’t know how to react and nobody could really help him. Harry was the only one he wanted to talk to, but that wasn’t really an option at the moment. He knew he overreacted and he knew he should talk to Harry, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was a coward, and Harry was better than Louis would ever be. There was no way he could talk to Stan about that because first of all Stan wasn’t aware of Harry’s existence, and Louis wasn’t planning on changing that anytime soon. He was scared of Stan’s reaction and Louis knew he wouldn’t understand and he would try to talk Louis out of his relationship with Harry, because he was a boy and Louis knew that Stan wouldn’t be comfortable with it. And that’s when he realized that Louis himself couldn’t care less about the fact that he felt this way towards a boy. Nothing has never felt more natural than when he was talking to Harry, and this has to count for something. And he wasn’t ready to give up on that yet. Sure he knew he could talk to Jay, she always gave good advice, but she had to take care of Daisy who was sick, and of all the girls who needed more attention than him. He was a big boy and could handle himself. His little sisters needed their mother more than Louis, and he didn’t want to disturb his mother with teenage problems that wouldn’t even exist if Louis would grow a little. He knew he needed to fix himself and this situation by himself. He knew that, but he just didn’t know how. So he did the only thing he was good at. He avoided it all. He spent his day taking care of his sisters, playing with them, spending time with his family, and he pretended not to notice the eyes of Jay on him throughout the whole day. He loved his family after all, and he wanted to spend the all day with them. And if it helped him escape from his problems for a little while, no one but him had to know. But as the night set, he found himself on his bed unable to sleep, letting his thoughts take the best of him and he cursed himself in the darkness of his room for his behaviour, well aware that Harry didn’t deserve to be treated the way Louis had treated him in the morning. The kid deserved the world, but Louis wasn’t sure if he could give it to him. He wasn’t sure if he deserved to have Harry in his life, Harry deserved so much more than him. Louis wanted to give him all he had, but he didn’t know if it was enough. He has never been enough, and he surely wasn’t enough for Harry. But he knew he would try to be. And somehow, in the middle of all this cursing, as he was about to drift off to sleep, he realized that they hadn’t spoken about the phone sex they had in the morning.

***

Harry was hurt. Louis had hurt him. And even though he knew he didn’t do it on purpose - at least he _thought_ he didn’t do it on purpose - Harry couldn’t help but feel hurt. He thought he had given Louis enough reasons to trust him, but well. Harry wasn’t one to force another to talk, but god did he wish Louis would trust him enough to open up to him. The thing was, Harry knew he needed time. He also knew the best way to push Louis further in his shell was to force him to talk. He was determined to let Louis take his time… but he was also determined to make him talk. There was no way he would let Louis lock himself up. Still, he was hurt. After Louis hung up on him without letting him say a word, he hadn’t heard from the boy during the day. It was unusual, and Harry would be startled every time his phone would lit up. He just wished Louis would send him a text, but nothing came. And Harry didn’t want to make the first move, not after how the phone call had ended. He was in a mood for the entire day, and he must have realized that having one person influenced your entire mood of the day was not exactly healthy, but he couldn’t find himself to care. He almost jumped from joy when he saw the goodnight text Louis had sent him in the night. They weren’t talking, but at least Louis didn’t forget to text him. Harry knew things would be alright. But there was no way he would spend another day without talking to Louis at all. He hated that day. Before falling asleep, he promised himself that the next day he would bring Louis to talk.

***

Harry woke up early in the morning, not being able to sleep much more, his mind was still whirling and worrying about Louis, but he had made up his mind. He found himself sitting in his bed and staring at his phone, waiting for it to come to life. He wouldn’t move unless he spoke to Louis. He wanted to be there for him, he wanted to show him that he could be trusted, he wanted Louis to know that he wasn’t alone and that Harry would be there anytime Louis needed him. His phone finally lit a little after eight am, and Harry barely took the time to read it before calling Louis. He didn’t want to give him time to turn away from his phone. But Louis didn’t answer. Harry didn’t get flustered and called a second time. He would keep calling all day if he had to. He just wanted to hear Louis’ voice. He reached the voicemail another time and he cursed under his breath while calling Louis a third time. The third time was the one, because instead of hearing Louis’ voice on the voicemail, he heard him in person.

“ _Harry?_ ”

“Hi Lou.”

“ _Hey… you okay?”_

“I am. Are you okay?”

“ _Yeah, I’m fine.”_

“Louis.” Harry warned him. He would make this boy talk, he promised himself he would, and he wasn’t very fond of breaking his promises, even the ones he made to himself that no one was aware of. But somehow they were even more important to Harry. Especially because this one was concerning Louis. And in the span of the few weeks that they have known each other, Louis had become really important to him, and Harry wanted him to be alright, to be happy. And if he could help achieve that, Harry would be the happiest boy on earth. He was met by silence but he didn’t want Louis to turn him down again, so he took another chance to make him open up to him.

“Hey Lou, you know you can talk to me, right?”

“ _Just don’t wanna burden you with the stupid things that are happening to me.”_

Harry closed his eyes, trying to figure out what he could say to make Louis understand that he would never bother him. But he had a feeling that no matter what he said, no matter how he proved to Louis that he would be there for as long as Louis wants him to, Louis would never completely believe him. This thought saddened Harry more that he would care to admit.

“Louis. I need you to listen to me very carefully.” At that moment, Harry didn’t feel like a fifteen years-old talking to a boy older than him. But he knew that Louis needed reassurance, he needed to know that he wasn’t alone, and Harry would gladly let him know that. “I don’t know what’s really going on, I can only assumed with what i overheard yesterday but… I wish I knew. You don’t burden me, you don’t bore me. If you want to talk to me about what happened, I’m here for you. If you don’t want to talk about it, but talk about silly things instead to get your mind off of it, I’m here for you. Either way I’m here, Louis. You can talk to me and I will be there to listen, and to help you the best that I can. I want to be able to help you get better, and this might be a silly thing to say considering we have only known each other for a little amount of time, but I don’t care. I mean it.”

“ _This is not stupid_.” Was the first thing Harry heard. Louis spoke immediately after Harry stopped talking, and this brought a little smile on Harry’s lips. There was a beat of silence after these words before Louis spoke again. “ _This is not stupid Harry. I want you to be in my life and I want to talk to you, I really do. I just don’t know how.”_

“How about you begin by telling me everything that you’ve been holding off?”

And Harry didn’t think it would be this simple. It only took a few words to get Louis to start talking. And Harry listened to every word, and he had to stay focus and the meaning of the words instead of just being lulled to sleep by Louis’ voice. Because Harry could literally listen to Louis talking for hours straight. But this day, it was not about Louis’ voice but about Louis’ words.

“ _I’m just under the impression that my life is falling apart right in front of my eyes, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it from shattering. I have to get a job to help at home, but I can’t seem to be able to not get fired after a few months. I have to deal with school, to take care of my sisters, and I love them Harry, more than anything, but it’s just tiring. I’m not good at doing anything. I thought I was okay at singing but this is obviously not the case. We never won anything, and the guys are tired of never succeeding. Jack wants to go solo, and The Rogue is just done. I don’t have the strength to fight and try to keep it together. I’m not sure I want to, Harry, and this must be the worse part of it all. I love singing, I love being in a band, and a few months back I would have fight teeth and nails to keep the guys together. Now I’m just… I’m letting it go. And I’m feeling nothing. I just lost what matters the most to me and I feel numb. I have a feeling that I should have fought, I should have tried to convince Jack to stay, but I didn’t do anything. I just stood there, nodding. And that was it. We didn’t fight, as if we knew that there was nothing to save anyway. There is nothing to save. The band is done. I’m done singing. I could never go solo like Jack did. This is not for me. I’m not good enough alone, I’m not good enough. At least now I will have more time to work. If I can find a job and keep it, that is.”_

Louis’ voice was steady unlike Harry’s lips which he felt shaking. His eyes were a little watery, and there was a million words on the tip of his tongue that he wanted to tell Louis, but he didn’t know what to say first, and he felt like he could choke on his own words. He knew he needed to say something, _Louis_ needed him to say something. But the first thing that came out of his mouth was not exactly what he had in mind.

“We could sing together if you want.” There was a million things more important to say than that, but apparently Harry’s tongue grew a brain on his own.

“I’m sorry, Louis I’m so sorry, well obviously I mean it, but like, this is not what was supposed to come out, I wanted to tell you, but not right away, I -”

“ _Harry, for the love of god, stop rambling.”_ And okay, Harry could almost hear Louis smiling. He felt his cheeks redden and he was grateful for the fact that Louis couldn’t see him at the moment. But he made Louis smile, and that was much more important than his embarrassment.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, his bottom lips caught between his teeth.

“ _Don’t be. But Harry, let’s face it, as much as I would like to, this could never work. I’m nowhere near as good as you are and… I mean, you’re in Holmes Chapel and I’m in Doncaster, so, there’s that.”_

_“_ You’re good Louis, stop beating yourself down. And we could make it work if we want it.”

“ _How?”_

_“_ You could come here.”

The words came out of his mouth before he could think twice about it. The only thing he could hear was his heart beating in his ears, too scared to actually realize the deep meaning between his words. Of course they kept in touch and they were talking all day long through texts, but they never mentioned the possibility to see each other again. What if Louis didn’t want to see him again? What if he didn’t to go to Holmes Chapel? What if Louis just say yes because he felt pressured by Harry? And Harry hadn’t thought of the ticket price what if -”

“ _Really? You’d want me to come?”_ Harry swore he could hear hope in his voice. His heart was still beating too fast, but for good reason this time. And he had a hard time trying to contain his smile.

“I mean, if you want to, yeah. I’d love to see you again.”

“ _I’ll just have to ask my mum but Harry, I’ve been wanting to see you again since we left Sheffield.”_

His cheeks were hurting from smiling. This wasn’t the way this conversation was supposed to go, but Harry was glad it took this turn. He couldn’t believe that he might be able to see Louis again.

“Yeah, I’ll have to ask my mum too, obviously, but… I really want you to come Louis.”

“ _I really want to come too.”_

***

Louis didn’t know how to bring the subject with his mother. The phone call had happened a few days ago, and he still hadn’t asked Jay about it. He was worried that Harry hadn’t meant to say that, that he had just been carried away, and that he was too polite to turn his invitation down. He didn’t want to bring his hopes up, and he didn’t want to make Harry obliged to receive him and if he didn’t want to. He was sitting on the couch with his mother, watching telly, and he knew it was the perfect moment to talk to her about it. But he couldn’t find his words. What if Jay said that he could go, but Harry didn’t want him anymore? He wasn’t ready to deal with rejection. But because Harry always found words when Louis was lost, his phone lit up in his hand and Harry’s name popped up on the screen.

**Harry** : _did you ask your mum yet? :)_

**Louis** : _you still want me to come?_

**Harry** : _I wouldn’t have asked you otherwise._

**Louis** : _yeah, I guess not._

**Harry** : _I want to see you again Lou. please ask your mum._

**Harry** : _mine said yes._

“Mum?” Louis didn’t think twice before talking. He knew that if he didn’t do it now it would never do it. Jay turned to him, meaning he had all of her attention. “Harry asked me to come visit him.”

Her expression remained still, and Louis couldn’t read her. His breath was caught in his throat. He spent so many times worrying over the fact that Harry hadn’t mean his words that he hasn’t thought one second about the fact that his mother could simply say no. A knot was forming in his stomach. He was certain that he would get to see Harry again, but now, he wasn’t sure of anything. He could see that Jay was pondering, and he never thought he could be scared of his own mother. But right now, he was scared of the power of her words.

“Do you want to go?”

“Yes.” His voice was just a whisper but he knew she heard him. His eyes were fixed on his lap and he hadn’t the strength to look his mother in the eye. “I… I can pay for the ticket, but please, mum. I really want to see him again.” He was practically begging, but he realized that he could do anything if it meant he would get to see Harry again.

“Did his mother agree?”

“Yeah.”

Jay said nothing more and Louis was so scared, he felt like he was about to throw up. When he couldn’t bear the silence anymore, he finally looked up to find his mother looking right back at him, a bright smile on her lips.

“When do you want to go?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait and the drought, we're going through a massive months long writer's block so we're updating the pre written chapters as slow as possible until it resolves but yeah here's a chapter really hope you enjoy <3

To say that Louis was freaking out on the train on his way to Holmes Chapel would be an understatement. The process of them planning this trip out went as slow as it possibly could have and Louis began to lose his mind by the time the day actually came ‘round. Harry and him still talked a lot, arranging things and, after a very long conversation with not just each other but each other’s mums as well, they finally made the decision that Louis would visit once school had ended and summer had come. That way, neither would be missing out on school and the trip could be about half a day longer which might seem like only a few extra hours but both boys are painfully aware of how much only hours mean.

As the days went by, Louis never stopped searching for a new job but they just wouldn’t come to him. Mainly because he already has a bad reputation around Doncaster that he’s shit at everything and is always late. It’s his own fault and he knows it but it doesn’t make it any easier to cope with the fact that he doesn’t have a job to provide for his family and that even if he did, he’d be walking on very thin ice with his boss because they know he’s not all that great. He tries not to let it bother him too much and he’s trying to focus more on school so he could get into uni but it’s not really of much use, doing that, because he knows it’s not getting him anywhere, knows that even if he does get into uni, he’ll just be an even bigger financial burden on his mother who really doesn’t deserve to have so much to take care of, on top of raising 5 children almost all on her own. Louis’ thankful for Mark who, unlike his own father, actually stuck around for the girls and even when things had gone too south for his and Jay’s marriage to work out, he still took care of the girls, even Louis. Sure he’s not a picture perfect father but he’s a good man and Louis respects him. Mainly for not hurting his mother because, truthfully, she seems much happier now that they’ve split, the divorce still not legally finalised but it’s getting there.

School and family were just a distraction really for the month or so left until the visit. They were there to keep Louis’ mind off Harry during the day but as soon as the sun had set and the sky had gone all dark and misty, that’s when Harry would creep his way into Louis’ mind and stay there through the night, torturing Louis in every sense of the word and barely letting Louis sleep. Maybe it’d be easier to comprehend the trip if Harry wasn’t the one Louis was visiting. Everything about Harry screams danger because Louis had never expected himself to go this far, had never expected himself to get this invested in what was just a chat in a toilet over 2 months ago. When Louis had messaged him the day of the Sheffield conest, he’d thought he was just being friendly. And perhaps, he was, but now... Now that friendliness has evolved into something beyond his comprehension, beyond his control and, in simple words, beyond his last expectations.

Obvious feelings are bubbling on the surface and as much as he hates to admit it, the truth is right there. Endless conversations with his mum had finally led Louis to understand that everything that he thought he knew about himself was just false advertisement from his friends. From Stan, mainly. Stan is Louis’ oldest friend and up until fairly recently, Louis had trusted him with everything, had confided in him in every way, had told him about his day, about girls he’d considered pretty, about songs he’d heard on the radio, about pretty much anything really. Stan has now been replaced by Harry. Harry is now the one Louis confides in, the one he trusts, the one he shares his days with, the one he tells about his favourite songs, the one Louis can talk to for hours on end without getting tired of his voice. Louis still talks to Stan and goes out with him but it’s not nearly like it used to be. The air had grown tense, heavy, around them. The conversation had become stale and stopped flowing effortlessly, secrets were kept, words were left unsaid and, over time, the guilt Louis had at first felt for being a shit friend, had faded away and all Louis can think about when he’s with Stan is how quickly he gets to go home and just breathe for a second.

It took him a while but eventually, Louis did realise that he’d probably always fancied boys more than he did girls. Of course, he still fancied girls as well and he’s quite sure that all of his crushes were real – as real as they can be in the preteen years of one’s life – but it’s no doubt that he liked football sometimes more than just because it was a game and of the few things he was good at. There were always boys on the pitch, sweaty boys, sweaty boys who ran and stretched out right in front of Louis’ eyes and even though he never felt a certain attraction for the male body, he’s fairly certain he was keen on staring a tad too long. He used to brush it off because that’s what Stan had told him to do but as he looks back on it now, he understands that those were just small steps he was taking towards discovering himself and his sexuality. Sexuality is one, terrifying thing and boy does Louis know it. It’s not something that came easy and he cried the first time he’d said it out loud, his tiny hands cupped in his mother’s as she sat with him, listening to him cry for what had felt like hours.But as emotionally draining as it was, it was also very refreshing to say it. The words are between him and his mother only and he wouldn’t mind keeping it that way until further notice. He’d especially like to keep it away from Stan who, Louis knows, would instantly try to get him to take it back or to reverse his mind into not thinking that way anymore because it was wrong and disgusting.

As far as anything Harry related, it’s all still just between Louis and his mum. And even she doesn’t know some of it. Most of it really. One of the things Louis hadn’t told her and has no intention of telling is the phone sex he and Harry had aa while ago. Louis hadn’t even brought it up with Harry and Harry himself didn’t seem interested in talking about it. In fact, they’d talked about pretty much _everything but_ the phone sex itself. They hadn't discussed it and they haven't done it since. It was the first and most likely last time they ever did something like that and it terrified Louis that it even happened that one time. In the moment, he was lost and hopeless but as soon as he came to his senses, he'd realised that that maybe wasn't the wisest thing to do, especially since Harry is still only 15. It's awful how easy it is to forget it with just how smart he is and the way he talks and just simply _is._ Louis doesn't want to change him, he'd never want that, he's nearly perfect just the way he is but he wishes sometimes that he was a little bit older so his conscience wouldn't be in overdrive 24/7.

As the conducter had announced that they'll soon be stopping at Holmes Chapel train station, Louis felt his stomach rise up into his throat, billions of butterflies settling in his tummy as he slowly got up and gathered his backpack and overnight from the seat next to him, standing up on wobbly legs and praying to every deity that he doesn't faint and that Harry _is_ actually there to pick him up like he'd promised.

With the last pull on the tracks, the train came to a slow halt and before he could tell them to, Louis' legs moved on their own, landing him safely on the concrete below. He looked around a bit, watching the people around him pool in and out of the train and he suddenly realised he must’ve been the youngest one there. That was, of course, until he locked eyes with Harry who was stood against the opposite wall, his mum next to him and smiling. Louis felt sick and dizzy, seeing him there, seeing him again for the first time since Sheffield, his last memory of the boy who was slowly walking toward him being the one of him washing his tears away after having lost a stupid contest. Louis couldn’t move. He was completely frozen in spot, feet unmoving, lungs barely breathing, heart beating like it was running a marathon and Louis could feel his stomach start twisting to the point of puking right then and there.

Warm arms had suddenly come around him, trapping him against what is most assuredly the warmest body Louis had ever been plastered against. He was caged now, with no strength to move and no brain left to function. His things fell silently next to him on the ground as his own arms came around Harry’s neck, hands accidentally or maybe not so accidentally wandering up into Harry’s soft curls, a small purr erupting from Harry’s chest and Louis closed his eyes, savouring the sound and thanking the heavens for not making him faint or throw up in a moment so crucial to his life.

“It sounds weird but I’ve missed you.” Harry whispered, voice muffled by Louis’ shoulder where Harry’s face was burrowed in and Louis, without thinking, breathed in Harry’s scent, regretting the decision instantly because _fuck_ that scent will haunt him forever, will forever stay embedded in his brain somewhere under lock and supervision because, and he’s sure of it, even if ten years from now, Louis awoke from a coma and every memory had been erased from his mind, Harry’s current scent would forever remain.

Realising he’d been quiet for long enought to make Harry worried and self conscious, Louis spoke, voice somehow hoarse and dry, probably from disuse. “I’ve missed you too.” Louis whispered back and Harry’s arms only tightened around him, tightly balled up fists gripping Louis’s t-shirt that was just waiting to be signed by Harry and Louis hoped, hoped desperately that Harry wouldn’t turn Louis down when he eventually asked him to write and doodle over his shirt because if he’s going to take any souvenire home, it might as well be Harry’s handwriting all over the thin cotton that Louis will, for the time being, pretend is his own skin.

God only knows how long they had stayed wrapped up like that for but the only real reason they even parted was Harry's mum coughing beside them, more embarrassed about the intimacy of the moment than either of the boys were. As they pulled away, it was obvious even to the blind that they didn't really want to pull away, fingers lingering still and shy smiles, shy blushes giving them both away. Harry's mum had cleared her throat again, finally somehow snapping the boys out of their little trance and they both blushed furiously, realising the feverity and intimacy of a moment that was supposed to be but a hug and turned out to be a silent admission of something they both felt but were eaqually terrified of. "I take it you're Louis?" Harry's mum said with a fond smile and Louis nodded, feeling shy and awkward because this is the woman who had gifted this world with Harry and Louis will eternally be thankful for that.

"Yep," Louis said and eased into the hug offered from the woman. "It's nice to finally meet you Mrs. Styles." A gasp and a swat on his hands later, she smiled at Louis "Don't be silly darling, call me Anne." If possible, Louis' blush deepend and he could barely handle looking anybody in the eye anymore. "Shall we get on with it then? I'm sure you must be tired from the trip down."

Louis nodded and shook his head right after "Not that tired, feeling just right actually." it was a lie and a big one too. He had barely closed his eyes all night and the train ride really did wear him out, especially with all the back and forth he had with himself the whole time.

However, even though tiredness was the most predominant feeling at the moment, Louis found himself smiling like he never had. Sure he was tired, sure his mind had been working way too hard for the whole trip, sure he could sleep for twelve hours straight the minute his head would hit a pillow. But. He had Harry by his side. He was with Harry. Louis wasn’t really sure to realize what was happening. He dreamt of this moment so many times, and here they were. Nothing had happened the way he had imagined it a million times in his head before falling asleep. He’d imagined running towards Harry, he’d imagined having him spinning around in the air. He might had even imagined a kiss - right, this was all of had been thinking about. But can you _really_ blame him for wanting to know what Harry’s lips could feel against his? The boy had perfect lips just waiting to be kissed. Louis would gladly do it. He’d volunteered without second thoughts. However none of these scenarios had happened, but somehow the reality was better than all he imagined. Because he realized that everything he’d imagined was a little too fast forward, and that every little thing could have gone wrong. He would have hit someone while he was running, or worse, fall. Harry would have let him down if he had tried to carry him. He would have lost his balance under Louis’ weight. And well, as for the kiss, it might have been a little too soon. Louis was dying to know the feeling of Harry’s lips, but even through his enthusiasm he could see that it wouldn’t have been right if they kissed there. It wasn’t the right moment. And instead of meeting again the way they do in movies, they just fell into each other, as if it were meant to be. They just _fit_ together when they hugged. It was simple, it was pure, it was them. They didn’t need grand gestures for now. They just needed each other. The moment had just been perfect because they naturally found their ways towards each other. Louis had trouble anchoring himself in reality, his mind wandering against his will, because he wanted to be aware of reality. He was with Harry, for god’s sake, he wouldn’t let himself ruin this moment by thinking too hard. He looked at Harry who was smiling at him, and, okay, he might have just found a way to anchor himself to reality. To Harry. It could be the bright green eyes. It could be his breathtaking smile. It could be these goddamn dimples. It could just be Harry. Harry, Harry Harry. His mind was full of him. All other thoughts forgotten to just focus on Harry. Louis knew his brain could be cooperative sometimes. He smiled at him and bent over to grab his bags that he had dropped of to hug Harry back and began to follow Harry and his mother towards their car.

***

The trip back to Harry’s house hadn’t been too long. And for what Louis can see from the window of the car where he sits in the backseat, it’s a small and quiet village. The trip is spent in silence, Louis feeling a flood of shyness wave over him. He tended to be loud and quite comfortable with people surrounding him, but at that moment, his tongue was tied and his throat was thick. He couldn’t speak if he tried. But seeing that Harry was silent as well reassured him a little. Before he began to think a little too much about it and it started freaking him out. Why wasn’t Harry speaking? Why wasn’t he filling the blank as he usually does? Why wasn’t he as talkative as he usually is when they were texting or calling? Did he regret inviting Louis to his house? Did he think he missed Louis but seeing him in person again made him realize that Louis wasn’t how he remembered him? Louis’ heart was beating so hard he was scared it would get out of his chest. He knew this was a bad idea. He knew he should have said no. Now it was clear that Harry didn’t want him here, and Louis could have spared them an awkward week, instead of jumping on the occasion thinking Harry might had missed him the way he had missed Harry. They were going to spend a week together, with Louis wanting to be nowhere else, and Harry surely wishing to be _anywhere_ but trapped with Louis a whole week. He had trouble breathing, and he felt like he was going to burst into tears one moment or another.

He didn’t realize they came to a stop and that Harry was watching him with a concerned look until he talked to him.

“Lou? You okay?” Louis snapped his gaze away from the window to look at Harry. His brows were furrowed, and his green eyes filled with concern and panic? Louis was _lost_.

“I’m sorry I said yes. I’m sorry you felt obligated to ask me to come here, I… I’ll catch the first train tomorrow morning, I swear, and I won’t bother you anymore. I promise.” He was whispering, the tears threatening to fall down at any moment. As his eyes were focused on his hands we was twisting, he didn’t see Harry’s eyes open wide at his words and shaking his head vigorously. He vaguely heard Harry undo his seatbelt and opening his door before kneeling on the ground next to the car grabbing his hands in his, trying to catch his look.

“Lou… Please Louis, look at me. Look at me.” His voice was shaking and sounded unsure, but Louis refused to listen and shook his head. He heard Harry sigh and one of his hands left his to cup his jaw to make him look at Harry. Louis looked up reluctantly, on brisk of tears, to see Harry looking innocent in front of him, concern all over his face, his eyes filled with sadness. When he talked, his voice wasn’t above a whisper.

“Why would you say that, Lou? Why would _think_ that?”

“You didn’t speak for the whole trip. Usually you can’t shut up.”

“Lou…” a smile laugh left his lips and Louis swore he heard relief in his tone. “I didn’t speak because I didn’t want to spoil everything.” Both of his hands were now cupping Louis’ face, green boring into blue. “Surely you must have realized that Holmes Chapel wasn’t exactly big.” Louis nodded weakly. “I was planning to take you on a tour. Just the two of us. On foot. To show you all the places that matter to me. Actually I had a hard time not speaking back there. Was biting my lips all the way not to start speaking. Didn’t want to ruin all the fun.” He stopped, his thumbs gently caressing Louis’ cheeks. “I want you here, Louis. I’ve been counting the days until today knowing I would see you again, hug you again. I didn’t talk in the car because I already planned telling you everything there is to know on Holmes Chapel later. I knew if I started speaking then there would be nothing left. Didn’t mean I regret my choice. I could never regret inviting you.”

Louis had to admit that his brain stopped working when Harry talked about biting his lips. All he could do was picturing the young boy in front of him torturing these beautiful lips and - _stop_. Louis needed to focus. He still managed to get all what Harry was saying, and a soft smile grew on his lips. He felt stupid for overthinking the whole situation, for freaking out over a stupid little thing. Harry had better to do than reassure him every hour of every day. He was the older boy, for god’s sake, he needed to put his shit together, Harry didn’t have to take care of him. If anything, he should be the one taking care of Harry. He focused on Harry and saw nothing but sincerity, so he finally let himself relax.

“Alright, Styles. Lead the way then.”

***

Harry was the most endearing person Louis has ever met. He couldn’t think of anything else. It was a _fact_. Louis looked at him with so much fondness and he had to suppress the urge to purr at everything Harry was saying, at the way his eyes were sparkling when he talked about all the little things that had happened to him in his hometown. So far, Louis knew the exact corner where Harry had his first fall from his bike, the one sign Harry hit his head on once because he was too distracted to watch where he was going, the grocery store where his mother was shopping, his childhood school, the bookstore, and finally the bakery where he was working. And everywhere they went, Louis noticed that everybody knew Harry and that everybody was endeared by him. Who wouldn’t. Harry talked to everyone with a warm smile, always had a polite word to every person who waved at him. This boy was _precious_.

***

Harry kept the bakery for the end of the tour. He had shown Louis everything there was to see, and since there wasn’t much, they ended up at the bakery relatively early. When Harry pushed the door, Louis heard the women inside coo before he saw them. He was walking a little shyly behind Harry and only entered the bakery when Harry already found his way behind the counter.

“If it isn’t our favorite boy!”

He saw Harry’s cheek redden, but he also saw his grin. Clearly he was loved, and he loved them as much. Louis couldn’t relate and he felt a pit of jealousy tear his heart. Harry was naturally charming and everything seemed to work well for him. He could sing, he could keep a work - all the things Louis couldn’t do. He didn’t mean to be jealous of Harry, he was truly happy that everything worked well for this boy. But feelings were tricky, and Louis couldn’t help feel bitter at the idea that Harry was succeeding in all he was doing while Louis had to struggle to achieve stupid little things. Life wasn’t fair. He was snapped from his thought by a feminine voice near him.

“And if it isn’t the lovely boy Harry wanted to take his day off for! You’re Louis, right?” He frowned.

“What do you mean, “taking a day off?”” Louis realized he was being rude. His eyes were open wide and he stuttered, ashamed of himself. Jay would not be proud of his behaviour. “Shit. I mean. I’m sorry. Yeah, I’m Louis, it’s lovely to meet you all.” He smiled at the woman beside him, trying to compose himself.

“No worries, love. It’s lovely to meet you as well. He actually heard a lot about you, we couldn’t wait to finally meet you!” At that, Louis turned to Harry who was blushing, while Louis was smirking.

“Talking about me are we?” This only made Harry blush more and Louis let a little laugh escape from his mouth, but his insides were boiling, and his heart was stammering against his chest. This boy had way too much power over him. It was the woman who answered him.

“All the time. So when he asked to take the day off because you were coming to visit him, we couldn’t say him no. You should have seen how happy he was.” Louis’ entire mood darkened, but he kept a smile on his face. He’d have to talk to Harry later.

They stayed a while, chatting, talking about Harry’s work at the bakery, and how much customers loved him. Louis managed to keep a smile on his face the whole time, and it wasn’t really forced but it wasn’t as authentic as it could be. He loved hearing all these stories about Harry, but knowing that Harry had taken the day bothered Louis.

He didn’t bring it up until they were on their way home though. Harry noticed his silence and was asking silent questions. Louis sighed, not wanting to ruin the mood but not wanting to let that go either. He spoke with a steady voice.

“Why did you take the day off, Harry ?”

Harry was looking at him, lost, not understanding where was that coming from. “Because you were here?” It sounded like a question.

“You didn’t have to take a day off, Harry. I could have come later. I would have come later if I knew.”

“That’s nonsense, Louis, you’re more important than the job. And they don’t really need me here anyway.”

That’s where Louis snapped. He didn’t mean to yell, but he had to admit that he was a tad angry at Harry, and his temper took the best of him. “No, I’m not, Harry! I’m not more important than your job, that’s bullshit.”

Harry frowned, and Louis could see that he was getting angry as well. “It’s not a big deal, Louis, why do you scream at me?”

Louis couldn’t believe it. “Why won’t you take your job seriously? You have the chance to have a nice, steady job which you obviously enjoy, so why would you take the risk to throw it away?”

That’s when the realization seemed to hit Harry and his face softened immediately. “Lou… I’m sorry, I didn’t… I’m so stupid. I didn’t realize what it meant to you and what it might have looked like. But you have to understand that I’m not doing much there. I help more than anything, they can survive one day without me. And the only reason I asked not to come to work today was because I never ask for days off, and… what’s the point of me inviting you here if i’m working, huh? I wanted to spend the whole week with you, Lou, and I’ll do it.”

Louis sighed. He was tired of overreacting at every little thing but he had to admit that he was constantly on his nerves. He was nervous at the idea of spending an entire week with Harry, and even though he was happy, he was also almost everything but relaxed. This trip was a big deal and Louis was scared to ruin it all. He took a step forward Harry, placing his forehead on his shoulder and sighed. “No, Harry, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m like this. I’ve been bad company since this morning, but I promise I’ll do better. And please tell me you’re taking the whole job thing seriously.”

“I do.” He circled his arms around Louis’ waist and brought him closer. “And I need you to relax Lou. It’s just me. It’s just us. Everything will be perfect.”

Louis smiled at these words and hugged Harry back before murmuring. “I know. Just feels so important.”

“It is. But you don’t need to stress over it.”

Louis leaned back a little to be able to watch him in the eyes and offered him a smile. “Okay.” He kissed his cheek and stepped out of the hug, , all so naturally. But then the realization hit him, and _what the hell had just happened?_ He froze, startled by his own audacity, startled by how natural it felt, without him second guessing every second of it. It felt good. But. But it might have felt rushed, especially to Harry. What if he didn’t want Louis to kiss him? What if Louis was moving too fast to Harry’s liking? He was so young, he surely didn’t want other boys to kiss him without his permission. Louis was so stupid. He took two steps backwards, detaching himself from Harry and opened his mouth to apologize, but Harry cut him from it.

“Don’t – don’t even _think_ about apologizing.” Louis’s mouth hanged a second, not quite ready for Harry’s authoritative tone. But he said nothing and just nodded weakly, waiting for Harry to continue, because he knew he wasn’t finished. “It didn’t make me uncomfortable. Nothing you do could make uncomfortable, stop overthinking things Louis.” the words themselves were harsh but Harry's voice was soft, kind... Warm. He didn't want to make Louis feel bad for kissing him or for overthinking things. He wanted to make Louis feel safe finally because it's quite obvious that's something he's not and hasn't been since he left Doncaster.

Louis furrowed his eyebrows, mind overflowing endlessly and he could feel a headache edging on. “But…”

“No buts.” Louis didn’t dare protest, never having seen Harry like this. His voice didn't falter for a second, he still sounded nice, kind, and warm but he also sounded very determined, very grounded. He sounded as if he wouldn't let Louis move an inch until he knew Louis' mind wasn't drowning in thoughts of childish insecurity and the fear of rejection. Louis has always been a quite insecure child, very shy until comfortable. It faded away over time as he got older and the more Stan had influenced him with his weird ways but since meeting Harry, Louis' been feeling a lot like the 6 year old he once was, nearly breaking down on his first day of school because his mum wasn't there. Everything about Harry makes him feel like he should do and be better because other than  just wanting to impress the bashful boy, he also feels like Harry's far more mature and respectable than Louis is and Harry's younger than him. In a certain, odd way, Louis actually looks up to him kind of.

Knowing full well that overthinking and arguing won't get him or Harry anywhere, Louis huffed a breath and nodded, saying “Okay. I’ll try to remember that.”

Harry stepped closer with a catious smile edging down to his lips. "Will you?" he asked, voice low and sort of unsure, as if he was trying to read into Louis' mind, see what he was thinking, know the way his blood was flowing. Louis started back in confusion, accepting Harry's warm arms to circle his waist once again after a sudden, startled wince that Harry didn't miss but didn't comment on.

"I- I think-" Louis cut off when Harry arched an eye brow, a small, amused smile stil present. Louis shook his head and firmed up his expression, sure in his upcoming answer as he brought his hands up from where they were swaying limply by his side and laid them flat on Harry's chest, staring at them for a second before staring back at Harry. "Yes. I will."

“Good." Harry grinned "That's very good." Harry brought one of his osn hands to caress Louis' cheek with the lightest touch that Louis easily leaned into, shutting his eyes for a moment. "Is it alright if I do it back?" Harry asked, voice very low, not even above a whisper, and Louis tongued the thought over his teeth. _Stop overthinking._ A voice in his head had said and he gave Harry a small but firm nod before he felt Harry ghost his lips over his left cheekbone, his entiee skin burning with it and he couldn't help smile shyly. "There." Harry said and pulled back a little. "We're even now." he tapped the tip of Louis' nose with his finger and giggled before Harry led them to his house.

***

Pretty much the very second that Louis and Harry entered Harry's house, Louis found his hand slotted with Harry's dad's in what was probably the firmest handshake Louis'd ever been a part of. When Harry told Louis, one night a long time ago over the phone, that he had a step dad, Louis feared Harry would be in the same sort of position then as Louis but he just simply wasn't. Or st least it didn't look to Louis like he was. As much as Mark and Louis' mum, Jay, loved each other once upon a time, the love faded out over time and it had left two very tired, very fakely smiling people in its place. But Robin and Anne just didn't seem to have gotten there, either yet or at all, and Louis was glad, even a little grateful, that Harry wouldn't have to be a child stuck in the middle of a divorce. And Louis knows they're not married yet but a breakup is the same thing as a divorce just with less paperwork. So yes, Louis is very happy about the fact that Harry won't have to deal with that sort of thing in his home, won't have to bw confused for days in his room thinking he'd done something wrong.

"Treat him well." Robin whispered to Louis as he leaned in for a quick hug that Louis figured was strategically meant so those words could be said. Louis and Harry weren't dating, the idea of it happening soon wasn't even in sight, despite how many times Louis had thought, dreamt, and daydreamed of certain things happening between them. All the way from them kissing to how it would look and feel like if one day in 10 years they had a family together.

So Louis meant it, with as much heart as he could've, when he said to Robin "Always." when Robin stepped back from the hug, he was smiling back at Louis and Louis took it as a good sign, finally sort of calming down now that he's officially met both of Harry's parents.

 

***

 

A little before dinner, after Louis had settled down in Harry’s bedroom, he had met Gemma, and if he was nervous at the idea, it went perfectly fine. They were sitting in the living room, and the conversation was flooding easily. Louis found himself fitting just right into the Styles family, and he wasn’t left behind. Harry was lovely, but he already knew that. But Anne and Gemma never treated him like a stranger, and he felt welcomed, and not like a burden. And that was progress to Louis. He actually managed to shut his brain down and began to really appreciate the moment. He knew he would never forgive himself if he let his guard up during the whole week. Harry was right, he had to relax. And sitting there with Harry’s family was easier than Louis had originally thought, and he was relaxed. He had to talk about himself and he enjoyed talking about his hometown and about his sisters. His smile would not leave his face, and Louis was feeling truly happy. A thing that happened only when he was around Harry - or rather talking to him. And now that he was actually, _physically_ , with him, Louis was more happy than he had ever been. However, as much as he loved talking about his family, Louis also loved hearing about Harry’s childhood and about all the stories Anne and Gemma had to tell him. And he loved it even more when Anne came up with the brilliant idea of showing Louis the family photo albums to illustrate the stories she was telling.

***

Harry could probably be more embarrassed right now but he doesn't want to encourage his mum by saying there's many more things she can tell Louis that will absolutely mortify him and will probably ruin the already very slim chances of Louis potentially feeling the same way that Harry feels about him. Another set of baby photos where Harry is naked was shamelessly shoved into Louis' red and laughing face, by Harry's dear mother who was probably enjoying this visit more than either of the boys. "Oh my Goodness Harry what even is this? Why did you hate clothes so much?" Louis was wheezing at this point, laughing hard with tears in his eyes and Harry wanted so desperately to be mad at all three of the people laughing at him now but he can't. He can't be mad because this whole thing is gifting him with a sound so beautiful, Harry's not even sure it's real. And that sound is; Louis' laugh. Harry has heard Louis laugh before, over the phone of course but it had happened. But this, sitting right next to him on the sofa, feeling his body heat radiate off of him, getting to see his eyes crinkle and form into slits on his face, watching Louis clutch his stomach as he laughs, the sound so high pitched and so loud, all of this just makes Harry so thankful that his mum is so keen on embarrassing him because Louis really seems to be a gift from the Gods above.

Harry barely had any time to react when Louis' hand landed on his knee as he tried to hold himself upright, the laughter finally dying down while he wiped away the tears from his eyes. "Oh my God Harry if I had known this is what awaited me here, I'd have visited months ago." before Harry could thread his fingers on top of Louis' or even process the moment really, Louis' hand was gone just as quickly as it came and Harry's knee that was captured by Louis' hand for only a very short bit, felt freezing cold without Louis' touch and the feeling reminded Harry way too much of when they hugged earlier and then let go and Harry felt like a bucket of ice had been dumped on him.

"I think that has embarrassed Harry enough for one day." Anne jumped in through calm laughter, closing the photo albums and gathering them back into the boxes where they're safely kept. "Would you like some tea Louis?" Louis responded with a small nod and a quiet yes, followed by a sunshine smile and suddenly there were three, Louis and Harry on the sofa and Gemma in her armchair, Louis responded with a small nod and a quiet yes, followed by a sunshine smile and suddenly there were three, Louis and Harry on the sofa and Gemma in her armchair, smiling at the both of them, slyly trying to wink at Harry and Harry blushed immeadiately, looking away from her and turning his attention to Louis.

"How're your sisters?" Harry asked, watching a smile creep up to Louis' lips "Were they mad you left?" Louis smiled and nodded, chuckling a little.

"They really were." he said "Lottie doesn't wanna talk to me anymore, Fizzy said she'll never invite me to another tea party for as long as she's alive and the twins both cried a lot. They-" Louis swallowed, smile wavering a little as he made eye contact with Harry, a sour blue meeting the calm green, captivating Louis for a second or two without Harry knowing. "They thought I was leaving like Mark." Harry's face dropped l when he heard that and his hand moved on its own to softly rub Louis' back. Louis smiled an appreciative smile, accepting Harry's hug quickly as Harry offered one. "I think they'll be fine though, they're big girls." Harry matched Louis' following smile and they stayed silent for a bit, only starting up a conversation once Anne came back with the tea and Harry found it quite surprising that Gemma wasn't prodding Louis with questions, that she wasn't threatening him, that she barely spoke a word to him since he arrived. Harry made a mental note to ask her why she wasn't communicating with someone as important to Harry as Louis.

 

***

"Shit." Harry's curse rang through the room as he and Louis settled in for bed. Louis turned around to look at Harry and see what the problem was but his decision was instantly regretted because there Harry was, stood at the door of his room, clothes completely gone save for these tight, black boxer briefs that did a poor job hiding Harry's, quite big, junk because it was outlined almost as if the briefs were the thinest piece of fabric ever, merely stretched and glued over his skin there. Gulping nervously, Louis somehow managed to peel his eyes away from Harry's lap and flicked them up to Harry's emerald eyes that were filled with a sour panic, cheeks blushing deeply as well and Louis immediately started thinking that Harry _has_ started to regret his choice of inviting Louis here.

"W- what's the problem?" Louis' voice was shaky and he was blinking back tears, bottom lip worried between his teeth as he watched Harry's face fill with concern.

"I sleep naked." Harry said, voice rushed and slightly higher than normal. Louis wished that that had calmed him but it didn't. If anything, it made things worse. Harry sleeps naked presumably because he's comfortable and Louis, simply by being here, is taking his comfort away.

Louis hadn't realised his tears had spilled until Harry was on his knees beside him, hands cupping Louis' cheeks as he thumbed away Louis' shaky tears. "Hey," Harry's voice was soft and comforting as he spoke. "What's wrong?" Louis wanted to punch himself in the face but instead of doing that, he began pinching his thigh, wishing he didn't come here because Harry didn't deserve this mess of a guest. "Please talk to me." Harry looked like how he probably did when Louis had gotten fired and then blew him off for stupid reasons. He looked like he wanted to dig his hands into Louis' chest and rip the words from out of Louis' throat.

Louis shook his head and tried to shake Harry's hands away but his fingertips gripped only a little tighter, keeping him in place and forcing eye contact. Green burning into blue. "I'm sorry. This- I- it's..." Louis sighed deeply and closes his eyes, sniffling a little aa he tried to compose himself. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I keep being like this."

"I do." Harry said softly before Louis even finished.

Louis opened his eyes, red surrounding blue and black as he blinked at Harry. "What?"

Harry smiled in return, cheeks pinking up a tiny bit. "I know why you're like this." Louis' silence was taken as permission to continue and Harry shifted, sitting back on his calves but because of the new position, it was either stop touching Louis or move closer so he moved closer, Louis' breath catching in his throat and dying down completely as it went back down to his chest, trillions of butterflies breaking free and destroying every bit of composure Louis had left, making him shiver as Harry smiled and continued on softly. "This whole trip is a big deal. To both of us. It's nerves, it's restless sleep, it's the train, it's the tour, it's this morning and this afternoon. It took a toll on you. Me too. And don't-" Harry huffed a breath, doing a long blink before emerald green met ocean blue. "Don't feel ashamed or scared or whatever else because of this. It's normal to cry. Natural. It's the first thing you do when you're born. You cry. So don't feel like you crying is making you appear as less in my eyes because it's not. You crying just lets me know of the person you are, the person I'm letting sleep in my home without a _single doubt_ that he'll do me or my family any harm. So, if you need to, cry away, but don't feel bad for it because there's nothing bad about it. Okay?"

Louis did what he knew was inappropriate, what he knew was wrong, what he knew was bad, what he knew he shouldn't have done but all the don't's his mind was telling him, fire alarms going off in his head and every single cell telling him to stop, all of it was silenced by his heart, his heart hammering against his chest so hard it would burst through any second now. His heart was the only part of Louis that wasn't telling him to stop but was actually pushing itself forward, instantly bringing Louis  forward as well so he could fall comfortably into Harry's chest, arms coming around Harry's back in an instant, naked skin _burning_ beneath his fingertips and his heart audible through his rib cage as he leaned his cheek against it. Harry took not even half a second to wrap his own arms around Louis' neck, fingertips lazily stroking the hairs on the back of Louis' head and Louis huffed out a breath over Harry's bare chest, Harry trembling once the air had reached his left nipple.

They stayed like that for more than Louis can even imagine and he could feel himself start falling asleep against Harry which is when he went to pull away, Harry's hands holding him still once their faces were a couple inches apart, close enough to feel each other's breaths but not close enough for lips to touch. Or faces to touch. "What?" Louis asked, voice slightly panicked as he looked down at himself, torso covered by only a white tank top and short shorts on underneath his duvet. _I shouldn't have hugged him._ Was Louis' first alarmed thought before Harry soothed it with the lightest brush of his lips against Louis' blushing cheek.

"It just feels good." Harry said with a shrug while Louis blinked at him, brain still unable to process the barely-there kiss but he was also slowly calming down. Harry must've read the question in Louis' eyes and he blushed deeply, looking down at his lap. "Being with you, like, in person again. Calls and texts don't do us justice _at all._ Sorry I'm weird like that." it was Louis' turn now to comfort Harry and he did just that, hands sliding down from the middle of his back and brushing his waist, Harry giggling and squirumingimmeadiately which was really just an invite for a tickle fight. Louis, being a master tickler at this point with 4 younger sisters, easily pinned Harry to the floor, wrists held above his head with one hand while the other tickled him mercilessly across his stomach and ribs, Harry yelling and laughing beneath as he struggled in Louis' hold but the biggest mistake he made was sitting on his calves because he had trapped himself and couldn't fight back if he wanted to.

"Louis stop!" Harry shrieked through pits of laughter and Louis finally listened, releasing his wrists and helping him manouvre his legs from under him, all the while trying his best not to notice how Harry's cock had shifted to the side, appearing slightly harder than it was when Louis first caught sight of him. "Jesus Christ." Harry heaved, limbs sprawled out around on the floor, a big grin lighting up his face, his whole body flushed and starting to sweat. "I got enough of this as a child. This was just cruel you know."

Louis blushed and chuckled in return, moving so he was towering over Harry, kneeling between his legs as he looked down at him, his brain instantly imagining what Harry looks like under those briefs and how he would look, sound, and smell like if Louis ever got him in this position with come smeared over his front, both of them heaving as they climbed down from their climax. The thought was sickening to Louis because Harry was still only 15 and he shouldn't be thinking of him that way but when he looks at him, even now all flushed and shy, he doesn't see a 15 year old boy. He sees Harry. Harry who's smart and mature and kind and genrous and who seems to just always know what to say. He sees Harry, not a child.

Harry's cough brought him out of his thoughts when Harry's cock shifted some more, trapped under the fabric of his briefs but visibly harder now. _Oh._ Louis backed away a bit and Harry sat up, closing his legs and both of them looked away, Louis himself trying to focus on keeping down while Harry looked focused enough as well, cheeks still red and chest heaving.

Unable to keep his mouth shut, Louis went to speak because he needed to get it off his mind. "Harry?" Harry snapped instantly to look at him, face panic but still somehow remaining soft and welcoming. Louis smiled. "You're not weird. Well, you _are_ but in a good way. In a nice way. And I agree, texts and calls don't do justice. It does feel good to finally physically be around each other... 's kinda nice." Harry smiled then too, blushing more if ever possible and they remained like that, smiling at each other and silent, just thinking or whatever.

Harry sighed a long sigh, closing his eyes and cracking the air bubbles from his neck, moaning slightly as he did. "Christ, you must be tired after the long day." Harry reopened his eyes and smiled at Louis. "Get some rest yeah?" Louis did feel tired but he didn't want to waste the precious time of this trip on something as stupid as sleeping. Regardless of that though, he figured Harry must be just as tired too and he gave him a slow nod, followed by a small smile.

"Yeah." Louis said and shuffled back onto the pile of a thosand blankets on Harry's floor that Harry insisted they call a bed even though it couldn't be further from it but Harry was endearing enough for Louis to let it slide. Covered now by the duvet, Louis felt warm all over, partly from the summer weather and partly from the tickle fight. But his mum had raised him to not complain when he's already being given more than enough which is exactly what this situation, this entire trip, revolves around.

Harry watched Louis get settled before he himself stood up, Louis' eyes somehow naturally traveling down to where Harry was hiding a semi in his pants, body still flushed red. Harry followed Louis' gaze to his seemingly uncomfortable crotch and sighed deeply, muttering something under his breath, presumably to Little Harry - or not so little - then spoke. "I'm sorry about that, don't know what's got into me."

Louis sensed Harry would say _has nothing to do with you_ so to spare himself the pain of having to hear that despite knowing it's the truth, Louis chipped in before Harry could say anything more. "It's fine don't worry about it. Go take care of it if you have to." Harry, if somehow ever possible, blushed even more and shook his head before walking over to his bed, turning the lights off as he went.

"I'll just think of something rank and it should do the trick I think." Harry, although probably trying to sound non chalant, sounded everything _but._ Voice changing pitch and tone at random, words more slurred but still sharp, and if the clearing of his throat is anything to go by, he was more than embarrassed and it itched Louis that trying to comfort him now would only make things worse so he sank further into his _bed_ and closed his eyes, sleep only minutes away with how relaxed he instantly was.

A minute or so had passed of them just breathing in the dark, silent room before Harry spoke, voice somehow already dry and hoarse. "Good night, Lou." he said, voice although dry, still somehow soft and sweet and Louis' immediate thought was that good night texts, after hearing Harry say good night in person, will _never_ do the justice. _Phone calls_ will never do the justice. This _distance_ will not do the justice.

With a mumbled out "Good night, Haz." Louis fell asleep, land of dreams instantly taking him to how life would be about 10 years from now, the two of them living together in a traditional British family home, possibly married and with the idea of kids in mind, the both of them finally making enough from the 9 to 5's to support a family. What life would be falling asleep and waking up with Harry in his arms. What it would feel like to tell Harry he loves him and mean it, mean it with his whole heart.

And as Harry himself drifted to sleep, he could've sworn he heard Louis puff out his name, the word following 3 other words that just might crash Harry's mind forever because _why_ would Louis love him?

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I'm still going through my writer's block so we're just dragging out the prewritten chapters until it's resolved. I hope you enjoy this and please don't give up on me just yet <3

Louis was by far the sweetest thing Harry had ever seen but even more so when he's sleeping.

Both arms thrown above and over his head, one forearm resting over his eyes while the other was sprawled out next to him, his cheek mushed against it, drool dripping from his bottom lip and onto his bicep, slowly making its way down to the little bush of armpit hair, perfectly revealed by the blessedly sleeveless tank top Louis wearing, The Rolling Stones logo spread out over the front of it. His duvet resting on his hip bone, one foot wiggling at the end of the duvet with the other leg thrown out of the bed completely. _He looks like a toddler._ Harry thought to himself as he scanned Louis' entire sleeping body for the seven-hundreth time in the past 20 minutes that he's been watching Louis sleep. _He's adorable._ Harry thought and finally went to do what he had initially intended when he returned from the bathroom but never got around to it because of Louis' mere presence.

He walked over to Louis' side, kneeling down next to him and writing with a pen on the post-it notes he'd prepared beforehand.

_Good morning Lou, I hope you slept well :)_

_As evident, I'd gotten up before you but don't worry, I'm just downstairs chilling. If you feel like it, you can come down and join me or you can continue resting, whichever you like best :)_

_-Harry_

In the end, it took Harry all of three bright pink post-it notes to write all that out and he couldn't help smile widely when a little louder snore had left Louis' lips, his entire body vibrating with it. Harry got the urge to run his hand through Louis' feathery hair or to caress his soft, sleeping face or to kiss him awake but he painfully refrained from doing that and instead settled for kissing his own finger and pressing it to Louis' left cheekbone, whispering a "Good morning, Lou." before he scrambled downstairs, the post-it notes safely taped to the floor next to Louis' bed, and he went to have some breakfast, probably just some cereal as always.

***

When Louis came down the stairs he looked as soft as soft can get. Feathery hair uncombed and all over the place, blue eyes twinkling in the afternoon sunlight that lit up the kitchen through the large, wide windows. Harry noted that Louis had changed clothes, The Rolling Stones tank top gone and replaced now by an almost sheer white shirt that fit quite loosely on him and instead of the yellow short shorts, Louis was wearing the bottom of an England player's football kit, coloured white with red stripes on the side and the number nine laying low in the middle of his thigh. Tiny, sockless feet padded across the floor until he reached the kitchen island,  rubbing the sleep out of his eyes still. "Hey." Louis said, voice soft and laced with sleep, sounding higher than normal which is odd because, for most people and especially for Harry, it's the other way around when they wake up.

"Hey." Harry greeted back as he turned back to washing the dishes from the lunch he and Gemma had, Anne and Robin both at work since early morning. "Did you sleep well?" Harry asked, genuinely concerned "Were you comfortable?" in his peripheral vision, Harry could see Louis take a seat at the island, propping his elbows on to the top and resting his chin on his hands lazily.

"Yeah was great." Louis answered, sounding sincere and relaxed "Why didn't you wake me?"

Harry could only blush and giggle. "You looked so peaceful, didn't wanna disturb you. Plus, it was a long trip and even longer day, you deserved the rest." Louis hummed a response and sighed.

"It was a great sleep but now I feel all soggy and old." Harry barked a laugh, looking over his shoulder at a disgusted looking Louis.

"Soggy and old?" Harry asked, once again turning back around to the dishes. "What does that feel like?"

Louis huffed and patted his hair to try and tame it but it was to no avail with how it looked right now. "It's like," he looked around a bit, spotting a box of cereal on the shelf and smiled a tiny smile "It's like when you leave your cereal out too long and then they soak up all the milk and get soggy? That's what it feels like when I oversleep." Louis raised his arms above his head, stretching his back muscles once more, them popping and Louis let out a satisfying sigh.

Giggling, Harry turned the facet off and wiped his hands dry with the kitchen towell on the counter before he turned around, facing a relaxed and lazy looking Louis. "You hungry?"

The question was barely out when Louis interrupted with "Always." and Harry laughed a little, remembering when Louis once told him he has the apetite of a black hole. A second or so passed from Louis' answer when his face flashed with panic. "I mean, if you've already prepared something I'd like to have some but you don't have to cook for me or something."

 _This boy and his manners._ Harry thought fondly of Louis and how much of a good boy he is, all of it probably having to do with the fact he and his mum were alone for the first few years of his life and he was merely 6 years of age when he'd learnt how to care for a baby. Unable to keep a smile off his face, Harry dimpled fully at Louis, earning a small smile back as he spoke. "Yeah Gemma brought in some weird fish type thing for us but it's kind of rank if I'm honest. Was just thinking about ordering pizza instead." Louis gave a small nod, still too  respectful to say anything that could alter the host’s decision. "I was also thinking we have a slow day today."

Louis perched up a tiny bit at that, smile widening. _So chilling is what he's into? Good to know._ Harry noted, marking that off his mental checklist about things that could potentially woo Louis. "How slow?" Louis really seemed excited and Harry couldn't help wonder if he was normally this excited about a chill day or was it the fact he was chilling with Harry that made it worth while. Selfishly and rather cockily, he decided to believe the latter.

"Don't know." Harry shrugged "What's your favorite movie?" the question tasted sour as it rolled off Harry's tongue. They'd been talking for months and knew nearly every inch of each other's lives and minds and yet, Harry's only just now finding out about Louis' favorite movie.

Louis gave the question a thoughtful tongue roll befkre he answered confidently, light smile dancing on his lips, a small blush creeping up to him as well. "Grease." Harry's mouth slacked open. _How in the holy heavens?_ Grease wasn't Harry's _favorite_ movie but it confidently came in third, battling with The Notebook for second place but Titanic always has and always will, absolutely take the fucking cake.

"You're joking?" Louis' face fell then and Harry instantly knew where his mind went so before he could say anything, he chipped in with "That's mine too!" Louis' face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Really?" his voice went high and sweet and Harry could _swear_ that Louis was swooning.

"C'mon." Harry said simply and began walking out of the kitchen, not bothering with an answer "Let's go watch some Grease." and damn it all to hell if that wasn't Louis sqeaking excitedly behind him as they both  headed to the living room.

***

Louis didn't know if he'd ever felt so uncomfortable. Which is actually weird because he was with Harry and they were lying sprawled out on the sofa, Harry leaning back against the backside of the sofa with his feet up on the coffee table and Louis' head comfortably resting on his chest. It's not the position they'd started in but after they'd finished their pizza and the blue sky was overcome by a lilac, velvety shade of gray, they just sort of slotted together like that, their marathon of amazing movies proudly going strong, Rocky Horror Picture Show currently on their repertoire but Louis hadn't looked at the screen once since the movie started and half of it had passed already, the piano in the corner of the room heavily distracting and he can't do anything about it. He even cancled out the sound of the movie and the songs, only hearing the piano play, the instrument itching his brain to go and play.

Piano is the one thing Louis actually trusts he's good at. It started out when he was very little, 4 years old maybe and he was with his nan who also had a piano in her living room. She turned away from him for one second and he'd climbed his way onto the chair and started banging his tiny hands on the piano. She'd tried to pull him away from it but he started crying and saying it sounds pretty and he wanted more of it. So she sat him down on her lap and let him run his fingers over the keys. He was more than rubbish at first but then he'd started school and he started learning musical notes which he then practiced on the piano. Sometimes, he played clips of Elton John's concerts that rolled on MTV and followed his hands, trying his best to learn the songs. Obviously as he got older and the internet was a real, easily accessible thing, he'd started watching tutorials and printing out sheet music of songs he'd liked. One of the first ones he'd learned to play in whole were Stop Crying Your Heart Out by Oasis and Look After You by The Fray. He's still not sure which of the two he loves more, they're both special to him in their own ways.

"Oh my God I love this part!" Harry giggled happily, his right hand that was set flatly on Louis' chest, lightly squeezing the fabric of Louis' shirt. When Louis gave no response, just kept on playing with Harry's fingers on his chest, eyes deeply focused on the piano, Harry squeezed the fabric tighter. "Lou this is my favorite part!" whatever part that was Harry's favorite and was about to come, suddenly didn't, the TV paused, every sound and motion stopping, Louis' ears ringing piano tunes even more so than before. "Lou you alright?" Harry asked, his hand lightly rubbing the centre of Louis' chest before he followed Louis' gaze to the piano.

Quickly, Harry remembered Louis telling him he plays the piano and his heartbeat instantly picked up with the want and the need to hear Louis play, to hear Louis sing. To hear Louis play and sing Look After You by The Fray because as of about 2 months ago, that is Harry's favorite song in the world, specifically Louis' version that still sits on his YouTube channel that Louis still has no idea Harry found. Harry purposely didn't tell him for multiple reasons but now he was getting greedy with Louis right there and the piano right there and what are they waiting for?

"Lou?" no response. "Lou?" a little shake to his chest and still no response. Harry leant down next Louis' ear, whispering "Can you play something for me, Lou?" Harry asked in the softest, most honest voice he could muster and Louis shuddered in his arms.

"You don't want to hear that." Louis whispered back, his slightly smaller fingers absentmindedly lacing with Harry's and resting the bundle of fingers over the centre of his chest.

Harry brought his other arm to rest over the middle of Louis' torso, enveloping him in a weird hug of sorts, feeling quite offended that Louis thinks so low of his beautiful, beautiful singing voice. Harry laid his head on the back of Louis' shoulder, loving immediately how easily Louis slotted his own cheek against his. "Lou," Harry began in a small whisper "Lou don't think that. I've heard you sing before. In Sheffield remember? I heard how beautiful you sound. I honestly wished the rest of your mates could disappear so you could sing alone. You sound angelic Lou. Please play something for me."

Louis shook his head a little, his hair tickling Harry's nose and making him giggle but the giggle didn't bring out a smile in Louis like it normally always does. "I'm rubbish Harry. And you're just saying that."

"C'mon. Let's go." Harry simply said and got up, untangling himself from Louis who pouted at the missing body heat and comfort. Harry wasted no time as he grabbed Louis just below his arms, clutching at his ribs and pulling him up to sit.

Louis laughed. "Harry this is _not_ going to work!" Harry didn't miss a beat in pulling Louis up, 100% sure now that he'll pull a muscle soon. "Harry I will _sue_ you!" Louis said through a laugh and Harry laughed. He laughed hard, high pitched screams escaping his mouth, hands letting go of Louis' petite body so he could hold his own and double over with laughter.

Once Harry had finally calmed down, he came to sit down next to Louis on the sofa, hands extremely soft as they came to take a hold of Louis' own. "Lou," he started, voice breathless yet soft and comforting. Honest. "Lou believe it or not, you _do_ sound beautiful and I want to hear you sing again. I haven't heard you sing in over two months Lou." at the raise of Louis' brows, his lips curving upwards, Harry giggled and shook his head, hands still caressing Louis' smaller ones. " _That_ does _not_ count and we both know it." Louis did know it. He knew that his _"cover"_ of the Nyan cat song was not the same thing as an actual song and an actual performance. He knew that but he was trying to buy himself some time, desperately hoping Anne would return from work and Gemma from the drinks with her friends so he could use an unfamiliar audience as an excuse for his hesitation. But, regardless of if they came or not, he knew he was just postponing the inevitable which was singing for Harry. And it's not so much that he didn't want to do it as much as he was simply terrified of fucking up and Harry laughing at him and seeing the failure he is. Before Louis could process it, Harry was pressing his lips onto Louis' left cheek, moving onto his right after a couple beats, his forehead following before he finally finished it up with a kiss to the back of both of Louis' hands. "Lou?"

"Yeah?" Louis sounded breahless and panicked slightly because of what had just happened but Harry eased it away with a small, dimpled smile.

"Play for me, please." and who couls resist him now? Who could resist him with his dimples and his pout and his wild curls and those emerald eyes and the soft caress of his thumbs? Who could resist him now when Louis had dreamt of a _family_ with this boy sitting in front of him? Had dreamt of kids and pets and splitting spliffs when they're 80 because they have nothing better to do save love each other.

So Louis gave a shy smile, closing his eyes and nodding the tiniest of bits. Louis didn't even have time to think before Harry had wrapped his arms around him tightly, hugging him to his chest, Louis' own arms trapped in betwen their bodies and Louis was cacooned there, doing what felt natural and what felt natural was to just lay his head against Harry's shoulder and accept the embrace until they both slowly pulled away, Louis flickering his eyes open, instantly met by Harry's smiling lips. Harry didn't say anything as he got up. He just offered Louis his hand and Louis shakily took it, jello legs guided across the room to the piano by Harry's hand resting at the small of his back. They sat down flushed against each other on the ottoman in front of the piano, Louis' shaky hands naturally going into position for Little by Little by Oasis because that's the one he practices the most probably, the bridge still tricky after having practiced for what feels like forever.

Harry's arm comfortingly wrapped around Louis' waist. "Take your time." Louis nodded and huffed out a long breath as he closed his eyes. He hadn't played for anyone other than his nan in a very long time and even though this is Harry and he trusts him and is happy to share this with him, he's more nervous now than he was for Sheffield which is beyond weird to him. Louis waited, only God knows how long, before he blew another long breath, signaling Harry with a small nod and earning a squeeze at the waist in return, Harry warming him up in every sense of the word, inside and out.

Louis' fingers moved on their own over the keys, blindly tracking memory and Louis preched his ears more than normal, listening carefully to every sound, every note, every sway of his fingers over the keys because it's important to know where his fingers will be around 5 seconds before they're gonna be there, timing crucial and he didn't even know he was holding his breath until Harry thumbed at his waist and Louis finally blew the breath out, finally only then realising his eyes were quite literally clenched shut, his mind in mild distress because the song should've been sounding far better but it wasn't and he didn't understand why. His fingers took the song to its slow end and the room fell silent once more, Harry squealing next to him, fingers gripping his waist tightly.

"That sounded so beautiful Lou!" Harry whisper-shouted, clearly excited but still wanting to keep the illusion of them being the only people in the world. "That was amazing! What song was it?"

Louis blew a long, comforting breath and allowed himself to lean into Harry for even more comfort, eyes still closed but no longer clenched. "Little by Little." he answered in a whisper "Oasis." Harry squealed once more and squeezed Louis impossibly tighter.

"I loved it Lou. I loved it." Harry's following kiss to the side of his face gave Louis the courage to smile and giggle through his nerves, shaky hand brushing his fringe off his forehead as he thought about what he could play next, finally getting the jist of it again. "Do you want to play another one?" when Harry got a nod as a response, he squealed again and gripped Louis tight again before he releasing him just a little, letting Louis get into position again, fingers lying accordingly to start the new song.

Louis went a bit more comfortably, a bit more aggressively, a bit more confidently with this one and he couldn't resist a smile as he played, his fingers still only playing off of the memory they hold of every single previous time they'd played this song before, having memorized absolutely every single motion to a t that at this point, Louis would be able to play it in his sleep. Not quite wanting it to end yet, Louis extended the song by two more chorus' before he finally brought it to a slow, sad ending, the song itself depressing enough but even more so when cut by silence.

"Adam's Song?" Harry asked in a small whisper and Louis nodded in return, both of them silent for a few before Louis settled in for another song, quite nervous about it because he hadn't played it in a long time, both him and his nan weeping by the end of it. His fingers moved naturally by now, as if they were destined to do this and it's got to be the most confident he's ever felt with the piano keys beneath his fingertips which should be odd but it isn't because he knows why this is, something about Harry just making him confident while nervous and shy at the same time. By the time the song had finished, Harry was silently sobbing onto Louis' shoulder, Louis himself biting back the tears. "Sound of Silence." Harry whispered, voice so low and quiet that if he hadn't whispered it right into Louis' ear, Louis wouldn't have heard it.

They stayed silent then for a while, Harry crying softly and Louis trying to control his own tears until a car passed on the street and broke them out of their little haze. "Do-" Louis' voice was hoarse from the lump in his throat so he cleared it, speaking again "Do you have a wish maybe?" granting wishes was always tricky because you never know what you're gonna get, if it's gonna be a curve ball, if it's gonna be something you know like the back of your hand, if it's gonna be something you've never heard in your life, you just never know. But Louis was confident enough in their compatible music tastes to predict at least the genre Harry was going to pick.

But Harry didn't pick Stevie Wonder or Queen or The Beatles or Fleetwood Mac or Elton John like Louis had predicted. Far from it all actually. Harry picked his head up off Louis' shoulder, fingers trembling where they still were on his waist and Louis felt faint because _how_ does Harry just randomly pick one of Louis' ultimate favorite songs. Soft, hushed and torn apart voice spoke quietly into the silent room, every hair on Louis' body spiking up as Harry uttered the 4 words Louis could never predict would be uttered in this very moment. "Look After You, Fray." Louis fingers silently fell into position, left index finger falling first to make a sound before Harry's hand reached on top of Louis', halting further movement. "Could you please sing this one? I wanna hear you." Louis doesn't know what kind of spell he was under in the moment when Harry had whispered that but whatever the spell was, whoever had enchanted him, he gave Harry a small nod, earning a firm grip at the waist before his fingers aligned themselves up again, shaking and lip trembling as he prepared to actually sing now.

His voice started out as unsteady and shaky at first, carrying more confidently into the chorus, fingers never losing their pre-practiced gracefullness as well as sheer elegance that they held when they moved over the black and white keys of the piano. By the time Louis hit the bridge, Harry was shaking and trembling with tears next to him, fingers digging into Louis' warm flesh as he sang the lyrics and played the keys, almost feeling as his soul left his body to roam free and to find its mate but he knew that couldn't be what it was doing because it didn't go far, settling for sitting on the piano, directly across from Harry and just watching as Louis' fingers swiftly moved, as his eyes flickered behind closed eyelids, watching as Harry's trembles did nothing to mess Louis up while he was caught up in momentum of playing a few songs in a row.

The song finally finished and Louis took his fingers off the keys so he could grab Harry's thigh in comfort, knowing there's nothing he can do when music moves you to tears, it's just something overwhelming your body has no control over and no amount of cooing from someone will help you gain that control back again. Louis turned so he could properly look at Harry's crying self and he took a second or so before he swung his right leg over the ottoman, facing Harry now, Harry following suit with the same action. No words needed to be spoken as Louis simply spread his arms open a little wider, cradling a crying Harry to his chest, soothing the boy with one hand rubbing his back in circular motion, the other brushing through his curls. "C'mon love, let it out." Louis cooed quietly "C'mon Hazzy." he had no idea where the nickname came from but he let it go for  a minute or two so he could properly comfort Harry.

"That was-" Harry cut himself off with a loud sniffle, pulling back from Louis, their knees bumping on the sides of the ottoman, their spread legs creating a diamond shape between them. "Lou that sounded so beautiful. The piano, your voice. Lou..." the name died on his lips in a silent whisper and just when Louis had thought that it was weird and unacceptable to look at Harry's lips, he caught Harry staring at his own, their tongues following each other's lead with licking over their lips, wetting them and preparing them for a potential kiss that should never happen. Neither of them knew they were leaning in until they felt each other's breaths blowing over their slightly parted mouths. Two pairs of eyes fluttered closed, breaths meeting with each other halfway, pairs of lips trembling. They just breathed to each other, lips close but not close enough. "What are you waiting for?" if Harry's voice had been any lower, Louis would've missed it but this way, he didn't, face tilting slightly to the side when it bumped Harry's nose as he leaned in even closer, lips finally touching but it was still far from a kiss. "Kiss me."

And Louis responded to Harry's wish the only way he knew how and that was, of course, by leaning all the way in and kissing him, Harry's bottom lip captured between his own as Louis sucked on it lightly, the world all but exploding around him. Louis moved backwards, not sure of how he should react after a moment like that had happened. He just kissed Harry. _Harry._ Harry, the boy he met a few months ago, the boy he has been talking to all day long since the day he met him, the boy he had been charmed with the second he laid eyes on him. The boy who was _fifteen_. Louis had a tendency to forget his age, because even with the baby face Harry still had, he was so mature that Louis almost forget that he was supposed to be the older one. His mind was messed up, and this was all due to the curly haired boy sitting in front of him. Since he met him, Louis had a feeling that he had not done the right thing even once, especially when it came to Harry. This boy was messing with his mind and Louis wasn’t sure if he liked that idea or not. He used to have more control on his feelings, on his life, but Harry came in and disturbed everything. And Louis kind of loved it, but he wished he still had some control left. He blinked once or twice, trying to get a hold on the situation. He was the sensible one, he was supposed to know what was best for the both of them. And that included them not kissing. Not _this_ young. He braced himself for what was to come, that is to know Louis telling Harry that he was too young and that Louis couldn’t take advantage of him like that. But it was as if Harry sensed what Louis was about to say because he rushed forward to reconnect their lips, making Louis’ words die in his throat. And Louis’ brain shut down the moment their lips touched, as he closed his eyes and the only thing on his mind was how Harry’s lips felt against his own. Touching Harry’s lips was the one thing that has haunted him since he met the boy, and he finally had access to what had seemed forbidden until now. The first kiss was shy, quick and a bit unsure, because Louis had given up to what Harry wanted but wasn’t so sure it was a good idea. He was still petrified by the fact that Harry was so young, but as Harry kissed him a second time, all these thoughts were forgotten. Because at that moment, Harry didn’t feel this young – he never did but in this moment it was clear enough to let Louis put his guard down and just enjoy the kiss the way he was supposed to. He cupped Harry’s jaw and kissed him back with everything he had. And what he felt during the first kiss was nothing compared to _this_. The world outside seemed to have disappeared, they were alone, sitting on the ottoman, tasting each other, and Louis’ world was upside down. He should be afraid to feel this much for such a little amount of time, but he was not. Being in this with Harry was the only reassurance he needed. He knew somewhere in the back of his brain that guilt would come and flood all over him once the moment is over, but for now, he couldn’t find himself to care. Because he also knew that this was bound to happen. Since day one Harry and he had never been just friends. This has always been more, and Louis knew that the kiss would have to happen at one moment or another. It just happened a lot sooner than he initially intended too, but he could deal with it. His stomach exploded in a million of butterflies as Harry moved his lips against his own, and Louis just tightened his grip more, feeling a thousand things that he couldn’t begin to name even if he wanted to. Harry was everything he dreamt he'd be. The kiss was slow, the both of them still adjusting to the other, trying to find the best way to make this moment unforgettable for the years to come. Something that they could bring up a few years from now, laughing a little for how uncomfortable they were, how new it felt, but still talking about their first kiss with voices filled with emotions and fond visible and their eyes, and… _wow_. Did Louis just think about the fact they would still be together in a few years? They weren’t even together _now_ , to begin with. Louis had been carried away, but that was another side effect of being with Harry. He detached their lips a little slower this time and brought their forehead together, just resting there, eyes still closed, still in haze of what had just happened, too scared that reality would hit him hard if he opened his eyes.

***

Harry was in heaven. There was no other way to describe what he was feeling in that moment. He just… his world had suddenly become a happier place, and he would gladly be stuck in this time lapse for the rest of his life. He had been waiting for this to happen for months now, and he hadn’t dared to hope it would happen this quickly, but he couldn’t imagine the moment in any other way. His emotions had been a mess since the moment Louis started playing the piano, and he had been too caught up in the moment to think rationally. But even if his mind wasn’t really clear, he knew he wanted what happened. He was scared of Louis’ reaction, he was scared of rejection, he was scared that Louis wouldn’t feel the same way, that he wouldn’t kiss him, he was scared that he pushed him away and broke their friendship. He had been scared to lose Louis if he acted too boldly. But he just took the moment as it came, and kissing Louis just felt right. He had become bold for a second, voicing what he actually wanted, aware that Louis could have rejected him. But Louis granted his wish, and Harry had been the happier boy alive. But as soon as his lips touched Louis’, he didn’t have time to realize that Louis instantly drew back and Harry had been frustrated. He knew Louis was going to say something he didn’t want to hear, he could see it in his eyes, and no, there was no way he could let Louis ruin the moment, so he did the only thing he could think of in the rush of the moment. He just brought their lips back together, and it had been the best feeling in the world. They moved slowly again each other, the kiss always chaste, simple, neither of them daring taking things on another level. They were still new at this, at kissing each other, and they both knew they had to take their time. This was just lips touching others, but Harry couldn’t remember a moment where he felt this complete. Louis made him feel _whole_. When Louis broke the kiss a second time, Harry didn’t try to reach for his lips. If Louis was in a same state of mind, then he’d need a moment to take foot in reality. Harry opened his eyes to see Louis’ still closed, so he thumbed his cheekbone, not knowing what to say, not wanting to ruin the moment. Louis finally opened his eyes, and they looked at each other intensely, smiles creeping on their lips. It happened. And Harry didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he took a deep breath and he realized he had been scared to see regret in Louis’ eyes. But there was none. Louis looked as blissful as him. Perhaps he had been waiting for the kiss to happen too, without admitting himself to it. Harry reached one last time to peck Louis’ lips, for the sake of it, a silent admission that he really wanted what happened, to avoid guilt rushing over Louis once he fully realized what he had just done. But what he didn’t know was that the only thing he did had been make Harry happy.

"Hi." Louis whispered after they'd been silent for a while, the only noise around them being the wind blowing through the curtains and a random car in passing on the street every now and then. But there was nothing coming from either of them save for calmed breaths and quickened heartbeats that meant so many things yet nothing at all.

Harry couldn't help a face splitting smile as it etched itself onto his lips. A small puff of air escaped through his lips and disolved itself with Louis' of the same, giggles erupting from their chests but dying in their throats, eyes still locked to each other's, emerald green striking ocean blue. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. "Hi." Harry whispered back and Louis let his giggle escape, his fingers tickling the side of Harry's neck and he giggled too, still in a haze of the kiss. Of the fact it had actually happened. It wasn't a dream, it wasn't Harry's imagination, it was reality. Truth. It was monumental really.

Harry watched Louis close his eyes and breathe deeply, as if trying to calm himself down before he finally spoke, voice still whispered but this time sound more like Louis than his previous hi that sounded like nothing other than a 7 year old boy. "Is it bad that I've been waiting for that since the day we met?" Harry's mouth gaped open slightly, his own ears not believing what Louis had just said. _He's been waiting for it too?_

Not knowing what the fuck else to do, Harry launched himself forward and connected their mouths in another kiss, this one more fierce and sure, their lips already somehow discovering a safe rhythm and moving with each other.

Louis bubbled a laugh into Harry's mouth as he caught him against his chest, one hand still cradling Harry's cheek while the other had already wrapped itself in his curls. Harry's hands were cupping Louis' cheeks and his thighs were burning with the need to move because he was in a stilled half-crouch that was far from comfortable. So he brought his bum back down to the ottoman but this time he was somehow edged closer to Louis, his legs spreading around Louis' knees as they kissed, Louis' lips gently sucking on Harry's bottom lip.

What had felt like a forever but was probably only a minute, later, they both pulled away for air, lips smacking in a wet sound that echoed through the room, soon followed by pits of giggles from both boys. Harry spoke first, immediately erasing any doubt Louis might've had. "It's _so_ not bad." he whispered and Louis only smiled brighter, the skin beside his eyes crinkling while the eyes themselves quite literally _shone._ They seemed to be glowing like stars in the night sky in this dim lit room, the only light coming from the paused TV and the gray sky outside. "It's so not bad." Harry whispered again and flicked his eyes away from Louis' only to watch his fingers cradle the soft skin of Louis' cheeks, the skin red and warm beneath Harry's fingertips but Harry was sure his face matched Louis' so he didn't comment on it. Not that he would normally because that would just ruin the near perfect moment they're in but still.

Louis sighed, almost dreamily, and closed his eyes as he leaned himself forward, resting his forehead on Harry's shoulder and Harry made an executive decision to scooch his bum closer, causing his legs to slide up Louis' thighs. He tucked his heels on the ottoman behind Louis' bum and let his hands move from Louis' cheeks to his shoulders where he started softly pressing his fingers into the flesh, hoping to relieve some of the tension from Louis' muscles.

"You don't mind I kissed you?" Louis asked, both of his hands playing with Harry's curls and Harry could only imagine what was going through Louis' mind right now, what kind of bullshit his brain was concocting, what kind of absolute nonsense was overwhelming his pretty head.

Harry hummed a low hum and rubbed Louis' back with a light touch of his fingernails, earning a grateful hum from Louis in return and he smiled before pressing his lips to Louis' cheek, feeling the skin burn up instantly beneath his lips. "Fuck no." is what Harry whispered to Louis then and Louis laughed a little into his shoulder before sighing again and Harry could hear as his Adam's apple bobbed with each swallow he did, probably trying to come with something _"good enough"_ to say even though anything Louis says is more than good enough to Harry.

"I-" Louis cut off when they both heard noise in the background, the jiggling of keys as they fiiddled around the lock made them both sprung apart and they both ended up falling on the floor next to the ottoman, a series of "owww's" filling up the room as the front door swung open, Harry in full frontal view to his mother who stood there with her mouth slightly open, nothing but amusement on her face, expertly masking her tiredness.

She shut the door behind herself and kicked her shoes off, doing a little sigh as she did and then she stepped into the living room, her smile only growing when she saw Louis in the exact same position as Harry. "Good evening, boys." she said "What ya doin' on the floor?" she asked, clearly amused and all Harry could do was stay how he was, fish mouthing into the open space but no sound coming out.

"I played a bit of piano." Louis cut in from the floor, slowly bringing himself up "We heard the door and startled." his smile, however authentic it may seem, could not mask the deep blush of his cheeks nor the rapid rise and fall of his chest, panic lacing around every word he said.

Anne hummed amusedly, flicking her eyes between the both of them, squinting at Louis. "And you both fell," she looked at the ottoman, eyeing it and her face contorting as if she was tryinf to understand something "On either side of the ottoman?" Louis gulped loudly and Anne's lips twitched a little to broaden her smile. "Very interesting." she hummed "Interesting physics." Harry could feel Louis radiating both embarrassment and fear and he could only sympathise, feeling it himself. "Would you boys like a cup of tea maybe? You know," she grinned "To heal the boo-boos?"

Louis' eye twitched a tad as he smiled, nodding. "Sure." his voice didn't really go with his answer but she didn't make any further comments, rather zeroing in on Harry who was still on the floor.

"Love?"

Harry's eyes widened "What?" he sprung up fast, kicking his toe into the leg of the ottoman but he couldn't feel the pain in that moment, all of his nerves somehow connecting to his racing heart. "What love? No love. What?" Louis snorted from somewhere next to Harry and Anne just burst into laughter.

"Would you like a cuppa dear?" she asked, her face red from laughing and _oh. Shit._ Harry just nodded and made a vow to avoid eye contact with either of them for the rest of his life.


End file.
